Reply to When you don't like a person in your broader friend group, which is the best way to handle?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Some women thrive in groups, others are better having a few best friends. Group dynamics can be difficult.

In our group we’ve always been upfront about our beliefs which For the most part very much align. But when it came to schools re-opening people had vastly different views based on personal experiences and needs. Some people spoke out of anxiety which offended others in the group. Instead of calling them on it or explaining what was offensive some people decided to leave the group chat. Unfortunate and now there’s a level of awkwardness. This past year between politics, schools, Covid, etc. has definitely brought to light who your real tribe is. [/quote]

I’m sorry that happened. I agree this last year has been a kind of crucible for friendships. When it comes to politics, especially really personal political issues like how we educate our kids or racism in our own communities, I think it’s hard to just paper over things with pleasantness.

Recently one of my close friends jumped the vaccine line. Technically qualified but in a very shady way. When I found out I was kind of horrified. I was stressed about whether or not to say anything, but then last night on our group call, it was a relief because two other friends called it out before me. We were able to have a group conversation about it that I think was good for everyone. I’m really glad it got discussed (and grateful to my friends who had the guts to bring it up) because I think it’s the kind of thing that would cause long term awkwardness and resentment. I’m still annoyed with my friend, but I think we’ll be okay now because my feelings are out there and now I feel better. Hopefully others do too.[/quote]

Was the person who jumped the line (by your standards) on the call, or was your group talking about her?

I don’t understand the need to discuss everything. It’s almost like some women look for reasons to get upset and then fixate on it. Like a DP said, most women just want to have a pleasant time.

Keep it casual. Rally around people who need support. Don’t create drama. [/quote]

They were on the call.

I have to discuss stuff. To me, avoiding certain things gets in the way of that pleasant time. It’s okay, it just means you and I wouldn’t make good friends.

Also, no one “looks for stuff to get upset about.” People are either bothered by something or not. Some people aren’t bothered by anything, even very upsetting things. Others are bothered by lots of things, even seemingly innocuous things. It usually has to do with their prior experiences (including past trauma), anxiety levels, and current support system. You don’t have to be friends with everyone, but a person who is genuinely upset about something isn’t “creating drama.” That’s a very limited way of thinking about it.[/quote]

Obviously some complaints are legitimate.

But let’s face it: lots of women are easily offended and looking for drama.

Lots of women triangulate and seemingly enjoy turning a group against someone.

Men don’t do this. Women often do it. [/quote]

Np, I was with you until the “‘men don’t do this” line. I am SO sick of this sentiment that acts like men are just superior to women relationships-wise. Sure, let’s look to men for healthy, deep, meaningful relationships 🙄[/quote]

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