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General Parenting Discussion
Reply to "Making friends with immigrant families"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm going to try to tone down the snark I'm feeling here. First of all, you've gotten some decent practical advice. Connect with families, over food, meet people where they are (metaphorically), don't have unrealistic expectations. But please examine your motivations and attitudes, which are no doubt contributing to the issue as you perceive it. You think it's super-cool to have lots of neighbors from all over the world. But your expectations of them are very (esp white) American. Organized playdates and so on. You seem largely to expect them to conform to your own way of doing things. Except maybe by making some "cool" food or wearing "cool" clothes or whatever bits of spice they add as a condiment to your life, which is the unquestioned main course. You moved into a neighborhood that is largely comprised of immigrants and yet...? "It feels like they want to stick to their “own kind” which defeats the whole purpose of living in a diverse area." That's YOUR goal for living in a "diverse area." They may live in your neighborhood because it contains more people from their home country, because it's cheaper, because it's closer to whatever (public transport, ethnic church, etc.), because they assumed that a largely immigrant neighborhood, even if not only comprised of one immigrant group, wouldn't pressure them as much with white American expectations. And so on. "Any ideas on how to encourage them to be friendlier?" Surely you can understand how this statement makes them the problem. It's their fault for not being "friendlier" by your standards. OP, you need to humble yourself and fit in with this community instead of expecting them to adjust their ways of doing things for your sake. I am a white American living in a neighborhood like the one you described. Maybe even the same one. DH is an immigrant of color but largely grew up in the USA. This does help in 2 ways-- he gets where folks are coming from and can also be more of a bridge-- eg, immigrant neighbors trust him more than they would just me. That said, we face some of these same social challenges, but I never once thought to ascribe responsibility or blame to our neighbors. Instead my expectations are: -Most of my DD's school friends from these communities will be school-only friends, especially in ES. That's okay. -(Pre-COVID) We invite the entire class to birthday parties and the like and always make it clear parents are welcome to stay. That does not mean that most of her immigrant-family classmates will come, but a decent chunk absolutely do. Then we can chat and set up a connection. Sometimes they will then be available for some form of socializing. -(Pre-COVID) We hang out at school pickup to chat with parents per above. We go to school events where the whole community comes out. We are involved in the PTA. Etc. All opportunities to connect. -It is MY responsibility to reach out and make our family/home feel welcoming. Either I do that, or DD ends up overwhelmingly with friends who are vast-majority white and non-immigrants. That's the choice. I mean, I can complain about it, but it won't change anything. A lot of this is easier absent COVID, of course, but it's completely possible *with effort on your part*. You seem willing to make some degree of effort, but I think you have to accept that it's mostly going to fall on you and that's okay, that there's nothing lacking about these families, that you don't have to change them and they don't have to change themselves. Good luck. [/quote] Really well put. [/quote] Agree with this poster too although I would have put it in more polite terms.[/quote]
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