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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have to have a support system and I would only consider having a child without one if you have lots of money, but it's still an issue. While you can buy part of a support system, you need to be able list people who will raise that child if you become incapacitated or die.

I have a family member who did this. She luckily makes enough money to buy many supports, but she is an incredibly nasty person to us and she is over-indulging the child to the point there would be a lot of entitled behaviors to undo. None of us are willing to be her emergency person. We are overwhelmed enough with our own kids (one of mine has special needs, my brother has one with medical issues) and eldercare issues from hell.

Speaking of eldercare said sibling uses the child as an excuse to do nothing which is fine because she would do nothing if she didn't have a child too. However, it's all the more reason we cannot be her emergency person.There are constant emergencies with our own parents. Add to that the emergencies that come up with your kids and spouse and you basically overtax what remnant of a support system you might have. Like maybe if I didn't have so much on my plate I would forgive a sibling who was jerk my whole life and be there for their spoiled, rude and entitled kid as needed. I would do the work to reverse the damage, teach manners and character, but now I'm sorry. My family I created is my number 1 priority.[/quote]

So if your sister passed away, and your niece/nephew needed a home, you wouldn't take this kid in?  YIKES.[/quote]

+1 You would let your niece/nephew go into foster care because they are spoiled? That's terrible.... I'm barely speaking to my sister, and I think her kids are bratty, but I would no question take them in if something happened to her. BUT, I have to say, it is overall a good point that you should have at least one person in your life who could take your child if you passed away. [/quote]

I worked years ago with children in foster care. Actually the biggest problem is people who claim they would take the child where the families were actually connected and then they are too busy/too overwhelmed with life stressors. There is absolutely no reason to expect someone you are not close with to take your child. Family or not. The terrible person is the person who says they would gladly take the child and they don't or the person who puts a bunch of family members down without consulting with them. You find out the person was estranged and yet somehow expected her brother/sister to take over. It's unrealistic. This is a HUMAN we are talking about, not a dog or cat. People need to actually put effort into building support networks, especially if they are not close with family. Even if you are close with family, you need to make sure they truly will be there for tragedy. It's not just if someone dies. I hate to get gruesome, but it's also if there is a car accident and the person is incapacitated for a long period of time or the person becomes severely disabled.

I would not go judging anyone until you are in the position. We met plenty of churchy, wholesome people who told sob stories about why they can't take their sister's kid even though sissy was their BFF through life. Also, when there are estrangements or lots of discord, even when the sibling is willing to take the child, sometimes the child has poisoned against the person so much the child does not want the placement.

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Thanks for sharing. I’m a childfree by choice person who was raised by my abusive martyr aunt. Kinship care isn’t necessarily better than adoption and honestly I would have much preferred the foster system. [/quote]

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