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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sound like my marriage, except we sleep in the same bed without touching.  It’s pretty insane.  Oh, and we spent so a family thing together on the weekends because his anxiety (which manifests as anger) makes him so miserable to be around.

Why do I stay?  Because our kid is 6 and DH is SO moody and so angry all the time that I can’t sentence my kid to 50% of his time outside school alone with someone who gives him the silent treatment or rages at him.  When he gets like that now, I try to clear us out of the house.

It’s miserable but I honestly don’t know what else I can do.  I lived with a raging, moody, unpredictable mother.  He was nothing like this when we dated.  But it’s been years now and has y gotten better.  I don’t want to live like this and I know it’s not good, but I feel like I’m choosing the least worst of two very bad options.   Has anyone else been in a similar situation?[/quote]

I am in this exact same position. First, sorry for what you are going through. I know first hand how awful and helpless it can feel. I have nightmares and wake up panicked. Been to so many lawyers and same response. The abuse, while it is abuse with the rages and screaming in child’s face, does not rise to the level where I would be given full custody. Just like you, I couldn’t bear leaving my young children in his care for fear of him flying into a rage without me around to flee the house with them. Pre-COVID the mall and general shopping and restaurants where our sanctuary. Now, it’s just my car and we drive around a lot. Keep them entertained with tablets and music.

I am wish we could connect to swap tips on how to navigate all of this and commiserate. My family wants me to divorce. It’s really a lose lose situation but staying at least keeps me in control of my children’s care and I mostly am able to mitigate, keep them apart when he appears to get angry, and take them away when he blows up.

I see a therapist who supports me a lot and we are also going to couples counseling but while the counselor is great, my husband is abusive and already has thrown some things back in my face about childhood pain I have that came out as part of the counseling sessions. If I can’t fully be honest as requested by the counselor in these sessions, then what is the point?

The reality is, I am only doing marital counseling to buy me more time and pretend that everything is all right. Meanwhile I am slowly preparing for the day I can leave, which will likely be when my youngest can drive and has her own car or when she leaves for college.

I read through these forums that the only hope is that he realizes and admits he is being abusive and participates in group anger therapy long term. Also, he needs to get on the right meds to help. With that, and at least a year if marital therapy, serious apologies, and a long period, as in at least a year of zero angry outbursts, will I ever begin to consider this back on track.

Feel free to create a new post for those of us-stuck in marriage with verbally and emotionally abusive spouse

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