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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was 13 when my parents divorced and my brother was 19, and already away at college.[b]  It was MUCH harder for him to deal with in the following 10 years, than it was for me.  His home life essentially blew up when he wasn't there, and he only occasionally came home to see the mess.  It was awkward and uncomfortable for him for way longer than it was for me.  Because I got it over with.  [/b]

This isn't to say it was painless.  But there was a certain type of pain of having his childhood home no longer there when he was still very much trying to find his way.  He got married 10 years later, and he was very unsure how to treat my father's new wife, because he'd barely spent time with her.  Meanwhile, I saw her all the time and had already dealt with some of my discomfort with her presence years earlier.

[b]You don't really get to skip the hard part of divorce.  And waiting to do it when your kids don't get to witness it is not a guarantee of smooth sailing.  It may be FOR YOU, so you don't have to share custody.  But it brings up an entirely new set of emotional issues for your grown children, that you shouldn't ignore if you hope to have a positive relationship with them while they are in the 20s.  If you mess it up, you can damage the relationship for their adulthood, which some would argue is the best time of your life.  [/b]

If you are going to be good co-parents, show your kids how to do that now.  Don't wait.
[/quote]

Yes! This is exactly what I wanted to say. Especially during Freshman year at college. When you drop them off that first semester, your 18 year old expects to come to the same room/same family situation at thanksgiving and christmas.

Also, you should generally be on the same page as your spouse.  Pretty shitty to realize your husband/wife has been faking your marriage for the past X years, waiting for your kids high school diploma.[/quote]

This happened to a couple of people in my Freshman dorm. It was NOT pretty--they were very very upset and their grades suffered. They felt like they had no home to go to and they felt guilty b.c clearly their parents had done it for them. They didn't want their parents to be miserable for them and it put it into very clear focus that's what happened. [/quote]

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