Reply to Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?

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Reply to "Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I’ve read so many of your posts. I say this with empathy and kindness as I am in almost the exact same situation as you - divorced with two kids after a massive error of a marriage - you need therapy. You seem fixated, angry and reactive. Maybe I’m wrong. But until you can forgive yourself and truly let go of the anger the happiness and love you’re seeking will continue to elude you. Good luck. [/quote]

I am not fixated, angry or reactive. I do not know where you are getting this from.
I suspect he may reach out again—I simply asked in my first post if I dodged a bullet.
If he does, I wanted to know if it is hopeless or not. I am not angry. I am simply logical about my past. Some people (especially women) would read this is anger. It is not. It is logical. I am not in need of therapy. [b]I can be surprised when someone does a complete unexpected about face. [/b][/quote]

DP here. I posted before about tackling the lie that you’re ruined for your hopes. I agree with a PP who said you’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and the others who suggest your anger being misplaced, you maybe being a bit naive. The thing is — people are going to people. Meaning they are going to do whatever they want to do, whether you like it or agree, whether they are honest or they lie, whether they know themselves or they don’t. Yes. Did said he was okay, pursued anyway, then it all blew up. That is a risk. Some people lie and say they’re single when they aren’t. That is a risk. Some people come with gleaming white toothy smiles but are deep and twisted souls waiting to inflict pain on the inside. That is the risk.

Point being - your job is to learn how to make a WISE judgment from what is before you, to learn from the past, and gradually refine your understanding so your judgments are more accurate. There are ways to do this, though no one can predict the future with 100% accuracy. Even “seers” will explain that the future path always has another possibility, you know why? Cause people. Free will and alll that jazz.

Your disappointment is warranted, but your defensiveness over why you should not have adjusted your expectations makes it seem as if you aren’t sharing the really thoughtful and sincere advice a wide variety of posters are sharing. That insinuâtes another personal issue with *you* that could be a roadblock to growth. That is why people are suggesting therapy.

Ultimately it is your choice, of course. Therapy isn’t a signal of failure of dysfunction. It is a check in with someone specialized in studying the human psyche and social interactions; consider it an auto body tune up, or an emissions inspection to verify that your car is safe for driving on the road, and don’t explode and endanger others.

202WON is a new year. Why not discover new parts in you that may be crying out to come forth? If nothing else, you will rebound from things in a healthy way. You’re looking for commiserating here, and that is okay. But people give advice because after kicking your wounds if you walk away without some lesson learned? You’re bound to repeat the same mistake.[/quote]

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