Reply to Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?

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Reply to "Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What are you looking for here, OP?

It's possible he's BSing you about being shocked about their reaction.

It's also possible he was truly shocked despite what you may think he knows his family better than you and maybe his siblings are generally more progressive.

And if he described you as you are presenting yourself here I'd tell him to get out too and I'm American and very liberal.

To say the least, you seem very immature.

You both dodged a bullet here.

I suggest you press pause on dating and see a therapist to sort yourself.

And finally, your kids don't need to meet every man your banging.[/quote]

OP here: I do not understand your last two sentences. I do not need to see a therapist. It is okay for me to be surprised by a 180-degree switch and sad because it was going so well.

My kids will never meet any man unless I am dating for at least 2 years and considering marriage. I have no idea where you got the idea he met my kids. No freaking way. Only if it is a super serious stage will my kids meet anyone. [/quote]

I'm glad you wouldn't bring your kids around your fligs. Your previous comments made it seems  like you would.

As for therapy your  reaction is disproportionate to the situation. I suspect you have issues with boundaries, self-esteem managing expectations, you also come across as needlessly aggresive. Therapy would be beneficial to you personaly  and help you in future relationships.[/quote]

Op here: I do not think my reaction is disproportionate to the situation. I was upfront about my situation and assured it was fine. There were discussions that neither family would approve if we met in our 20s. I was pleasantly surprised how well things were going. I am surprised by the naïveté that family would take it easier than he thought. I did not think family should get involved unless we got to a serious point. We were not there yet. Multiple times he said he did not want to start having children in his 40s. He does not want to spend the energy and feels too old.

I do not have issues you allude to. There are no boundary or other issues. I believe what people tell me what they want—that is not having unrealistic expectations. The about face was unexpected because it was not at the stage to mention me with the status I have...otherwise it will kill it unless someone is committed and in a serious stage. I felt a little lied to because he should not have pursued me the way he did if siblings’ criticism is enough to end it. I feel this is likely to happen to him with any woman...not just me...but that is why I feel like I probably dodged a bullet. It will take me a little time to forget this...perfectly normal.

I am not needlessly aggressive when someone makes a comment that my kids don’t need to meet someone I am banging. I said nothing to insinuate that ever happened. I said I spent non-kid time with him. I was defending myself from a false accusation. That is not being overly aggressive.

[/quote]

You are sounding unstable OP.  You dated for 6 months.  It is his choice if/when/what he shares with his family.  You don't get to dictate that or be "upset" with him for telling his family.  He is a grown man.  Time to move on [/quote]

Unstable? There is nothing “unstable” here. I am surprised he was surprised at the reaction. No one is dictating anything. His response is 180 different than right before. It is surprising. I am moving on. I just think it was immature to not understand the reaction in advance and he should not have said anything unless he was sure about it. You certainly read into things. [/quote]

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