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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
To be clear: I despise cheating and I have never posted anything about "affairs saving a NON sexless marriage".  So if I seem confused it's because OP may be challenging me for something I have NEVER said, and this entire thread may be invalid. If you have a normal active sex life and your partner cheats, no wonder this would lead to a marriage ending divorce! I have nothing to say about cheating (in a NON sexless marriage) except:
a) it is terribly evil, don't do it
b) if you are cheated upon, you have my full sympathy and wish you will in the divorce
c) very very few men who are NOT in a sexless marriage actually cheat (so that's good right?)[/quote]

All good.  Except for c).  That is where you are stuck.

I just ended a therapy session with a therapist that was stressing how much cheating actually happens in good marriages with sex.  She said this with no prompting from me, btw:).  She stressed what a fallacy it is that something was missing from a partner or they weren't giving enough/including sex.  She said if a person is going to cheat it doesn't matter what is going on at home or in the bedroom. Period.   She said it is a fallacy women tend to tell themselves so they feel like they have control: I stayed fit and attractive, I was a beast in the bedroom, earned $, put dinner on the table, etc. etc. and all of those things would shield me against cheating in my marriage.  Sadly, that is one of the biggest myths about cheating out there.  And many, many posters on this board have stated they were having sex with their male or female spouse and they still cheated.

She gave a long, long list of motivations that someone would cheat and many did not include 'sexless'.[/quote]

Again: the “affair is necessary to save marriage” advice is exclusive to sexless marriage scenario. Many folks here don’t like that fact but almost nobody has disputed this, and many have (reluctantly) agreed.

Since you now want to switch topics and discuss cheating, let’s limit this to why MEN cheat.
Google “why do married men cheat”. Answer: sexual dissatisfaction. Of course the puritanical liberal media likes to soften the blow by making broader more generic statements. But the bottom line is most men who cheat do so to get more sex. Period !!! Whatever long list of motivations you come up with, the simplest of these (not enough sex with wife) sits at the too far above any distant second.

Women cheat for very different reasons, rarely is it due to an unwilling husband.
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