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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All of my friends these days believe their mothers are “narcissists.” I nod along but it’s absolutely silly. [/quote]

+1[/quote]

Curious, what started this trend? A particular book or article? My sister is like this about our mother and I was really surprised when I heard her make these claims...[/quote]

One of my sisters and her DH read a book called "Toxic Parents" about 20 years ago which confirmed in their minds that they were raised by horrible people. I can't really address BIL's upbringing, but my older sister and I have listened to the rants of our other sister and wonder if we were raised in the same house. Her list of grievances is LONG. Older sister and I love and like our mother (father is long dead), and accept that while she wasn't perfect, did her best and was also a good parent much of the time.

And BTW, the toxic shock sis has prickly relationships with her own children. She complains about them not measuring up. She of course has ongoing issues with of course the ILs, various neighbors, the public school system in her town, a former and present boss and the woman who delivers her mail.[/quote]

+1. I'm not referring to the truly abusive parents, but this vague "toxicity" that is usually nothing more of a personality clash. I've seen this in my own family. [/quote]

I think it’s a personality and gender thing. My grandfather (a long-time widow) loved my dad more - because when he visited, they’d sit down and talk for hours and bond, my dad would also drive my grandfather to his appointments and they’d bond over that too. When my aunt visited, she’d cook, clean, do his laundry - she had no time to sit and talk, she had to run to her own family and do domestic labor there (that’s besides a full-time job). As a result, my dad was clearly a preferred adult child, and my aunt was pretty upset about it and could never figure it out.[/quote]

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