Reply to Finding the birth mother in a closed adoption from Eastern Europe

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[quote=Anonymous]
[quote]
    Anonymous wrote:

I was born and rested in the US and was raped at age 17, impregnated but had idiot super religious parents who blamed me for being raped also thought abortion was murder. I had the bastard resulting from this rape and have her up for adoption. My parents wanted to keep her but by that time I was 18 and was of age to put her up for adoption. I tried to get on with my life but the shame if being blamed for rape and being forced to bear his bastard made me hate myself for decades. I finally got some in-depth counselling, met a wonderful man, got married and we had children. Somehow the rape child found me. She wanted money. I gave her up for adoption because I never wanted to see, hear, or have anything to do with her ever. In giving her up, she had no rights to me or to any of my family history. I also left my parents as soon as I was able and ceased all contact with them and everybody in my family.

If her birth mother wanted to see her, she would.

PP,

This is a very sad story, and I am sorry that you went through this. But it's simply not fair for you to blame an innocent child (not "a bastard" as you call them--the 16th Century called and wants its terminology back) for what happened to you, or say to anyone else in a different situation--and every adoption story is indeed different-- that they have no right to search and learn about their birth story. Or, for that matter, that every birth mother in a closed adoption feels exactly as you do. I know from personal experience that some don't.

In many developed nations, such as Canada, the UK, Australia, and New Zealand, adoption records are opened when an adoptee turns 18. There, it is considered a human right for a person to find out any medical history and the circumstances of their birth--for their sake, and for the sake of their own children. These countries have come to understand that the adoptee, who did not agree to the terms of the adoption, has rights, too--not just the birth parents.

If this young person wants to find out about their birth family, it is their right. She is not someone's shameful little secret. She is no longer a baby. She is an adult, and has rights as an adult.

As others here have pointed out, she may not find the birth mother easily. The birth mother may not want to talk to her. The story of her adoption has got to be a sad one--no one puts up a baby for adoption lightly. But if she wants to know, and she understands the risks, she has the right to try to find out.

It is hard enough to grow up as an adopted person. The ire on this board toward this young woman's interest in searching for her birth mother is shocking and shameful. It is her life. If you don't have something helpful to say, get off this thread.

Goodness gracious, this is why abortion has to remain legal and available. Imagine being raped, forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term, then forced to have the adoption records opened in 18 years. That's the kind of stuff that leads to women committing suicide instead of giving birth, like the stories linked earlier in the thread described. I wonder how many countries with those adoption record laws are trying to pull back abortion rights like in the U.S.? None I'd be willing to bet.

OP, as you can see there is a wide range of opinions and beliefs. Your daughter is your daughter and her interests are paramount, that's totally understandable. But really think hard, and urge her to think, about whether she NEEDS to know and whether that need[b] is worth potentially ruining someone's life. [/b]What are the odds you'd be willing to take? 1 in 2 chance? 1 in 10? That chance would really give me pause.
	[/quote]

How would it be "ruining someone's life" if she contacts the birth parent? If the birth parent isn't interested, they can say no to any contact. [/quote]

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