Reply to Has anyone stayed with a spouse after they had an affair?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, you’re not alone. I recently found out about DH’s affair. He says he was not in love at all but it lasted years. I don’t have answers for you as we are both on the same track but I will say that reading all the comments on this thread, it’s clear that it depends on the marriage and the people involved. I live day by day right now. As does he. If I don’t feel like he’s trying anymore, I’m ready to call it quits. I see it as up to him at this point.  I don’t have much energy beyond taking care of my kids and working. Any energy I do have I input into myself. I rest, read, nap, exercise, whatever I can, to help myself. I’m processing and my body is feeling the brunt of this lie. He is remorseful but I’m not ready to even care about that.

Take care of yourself. [/quote]

How long did it go on?!  I’m so sorry.[/quote]

4 years. [/quote]

I’m the one that is in the same situation.  3.5 years here, but they had many months of no contact each year over that time span.  [/quote]

Sorry PP. DH told me the same thing - that they would go months without seeing each other. But honestly it makes no difference to me at this point. I’m not interested in hearing things that mitigate the circumstances. He did what he did and there are no excuses.  I had to hear, read and process so much when he told me (a few months ago) that I’m exhausted. Mentally I’m broken down. Our marriage, how I see him, and how I see myself. Physically I am broken down. First it was heart palpitations, no appetite, headaches. Now I have a lot of back pain. My skin looks terrible. I’m glad I have my children and my career. It keeps me on task for most of the day. COVID means DH is home all day so it’s easier in some ways - he’s not at the office, not at lunches, not on business trips.

We can only take care of ourselves. Whatever the final outcome I have to survive, be healthy and try to be happy once again. Whether we end up divorced or not, I don’t know nor do I even  care right now. I want to live happily no matter what. [/quote]

Yes.  I agree.  Same feelings about the logistics.

You have classic PTSD symptoms.  They treat it the same for infidelity trauma.  I also have a constant racing heart, anxiety, weight loss, lack of/unable to sleep, heart palpitations, exhaustion and a constant roller coaster of emotions...all while trying to stay normal in front of my kids and actually succeed at my full-time day job.  I also like the fact I don’t have to socialize or make small talk right now because of Covid and also that he is home all of the time too.

I get it.  I feel the same.  I also had a parent die recently so it’s been a sh@t time.[/quote]

You both should check out EMDR therapy.[/quote]

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