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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't understand why this is a problem at this moment. Your child is a year old right now, yes? What have you been doing for the past 8 months? Why can't you keep doing that for a few more months till we're over the worst of this?

You are trying for a second, not pregnant yet? So by the time your maternity leave is over, covid will be under control and a daycare will be just fine, so your other child can go to daycare no problem.

[/quote]

OP here. Our parents have been helping us both all of them are old and can’t handle a mobile toddler. All have issues such as disc disease, nerve issues, arthritis, etc., and 8 hour days is becoming too much for them. Both set of parents have said they can no longer help us after the holidays. [/quote]

Ahhh. Okay, this makes sense. I understand now.

Well, your initial question was about how to come to an agreement. What I would recommend is to write out all the potential options (be creative!) None of your options are perfect - so don't take anything off the table. Sounds like you've got:

1) You take an extended leave of absence for a year or so (husband's preference)
2) You put your baby into daycare (your preference)

But you should move beyond that too! 
3) You take a shorter leave of absence - say until March? when you're more comfortable putting the baby in daycare.
4) Your husband takes a leave of absence
5) You get a nanny, and soundproof a room
6) You get a nanny, and deal with some overhearing
7) You get a nanny, and your husband works elsewhere
8) You find a nanny share who is willing to host
9) You find an in-home daycare
10) You stagger your schedules and live without childcare (this might be a couple of different options, kinda like the nanny thing, depending on different ways you could handle it, which depends on your kid and your jobs) until March.
11) etc, etc. Be creative - think outside the box.

Then I would take your list, sit with your husband, and talk about the pros and cons of each option. Focus on LISTENING to your partner, and what he likes and doesn't like about each option. Then, I think a good starting point would be for each of you, individually, to rank your the list from fav to least fav option. This exercise might shake something loose. There will probably be options that neither of you put in your top 5 - so those are out. But maybe one of the other options will be a surprise compromise - live-with-able for a few months. If you're still stuck - maybe move from scenarios to sacrifices - I would say that you each get one thing you're NOT willing to do, but you can't have 5 things you're unwilling to do.

So - if he is completely unwilling to have his conversations be overheard, he might have to get comfortable with the idea of daycare. Or vis-versa.

If you are unwilling to quit your job, then you may need to get comfortable with a nanny share. Or vis-versa.

Communicate, communicate. Plan some longer blocks of time to calmly discuss after the baby goes to bed over the next couple weeks.

And remember - your goal CANNOT be to win. It HAS to be - to get to the best decision for your family unit as a whole. Keep your mind open![/quote]

While i agree that neither of them should have the goal to win, OP should absolutely go in with the goal of not quitting her job or making material changes to her career path, in order to satisfy her DH's arbitrary issue that he doesn't want an extra body in their house. [/quote]

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