Reply to I deserve an apology. I’ll never get it. How do I move on?

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Reply to "I deserve an apology. I’ll never get it. How do I move on?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I went through something similar two years ago.  I tried and tried to forgive but just couldn’t so I accepted that I was always going to have hatred and anger toward the couple and that acceptance, strangely, made it easier to stop thinking about them.  They rarely cross my mind now.  I also never talk about them which helps and cut ties with anyone we had in common.  I’ve never once checked them on social media.  All that really did help.

[b]Then it occurs to me that even if I got a heartfelt apology - nothing would change.  The damage done was truly irreversible.  [/b]

“What is without remedy must be without regard.  What is done is done”.  [/quote]

This is good insight. OP, to move on, you need to stop valuing or giving any credibility this person's actions, behaviors, or yes, even potential apologies. There are people in my life who "owe" me an apology, but moving on meant I no longer respect anything, literally anything, about them. They could show up at my door with flowers, cash, a rescued stray dog and a thorough apology, and it'd be like watching Donald Trump claim he won the election. Nothing they have to say, and nothing they do, carries the slightest weight with me.

[/quote]

OP here. I agree, this is really true. If this person tried to apologize, I know I'd never accept it. In part because I know there is a time when I probably would have accepted one, and rather than offer one, they chose to do something possibly even worse than the original offense. I often think I'm more angry about that than the original thing.

But yes, I agree with this sentiment. Feeling it... is another matter. I'm working on it.[/quote]

Exactly the same situation with me!  Rather than apologize, the person who deeply wronged me in my life doubled-down and started making up crap about how I was bad-mouthing her which simply never happened (I never even thought the things she accused me of saying!)  Twice I extended the olive branch and twice she made it worse.

I understand she was trying to justify her betrayal and is extremely insecure.

Give it time, OP.  I promise you that you’ll forget the person who wronged you.  [/quote]

How can you promise this? You obviously have not forgotten the person who harmed you, nor have you forgiven her. You are still bogged down in the back and forth and still justifying your own actions (painting yourself as the hero of your story when the reality is most certainly more complicated).

Stuff like this is really hard to get over. We should at least admit that’s the case. There is a lot of well-intentioned advice on this thread, but the harsh truth is that OP may never forget. She might have to live with the pain forever. I hope her life is filled with enough joy and happiness to outweigh the pain, but I think that is the most we can hope for.[/quote]

PP here and I promise you I have claimed and dealt with my part and only think of this person when issues like this come up.  There are no heroes to my story and I truly have no actions to justify.  I’m old and this kind of betrayal and dismissal has only happened to me this one time in 65 years so I think I’m a rational and realistic judge of my situation.

The pain does burn itself out.  [/quote]

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