Reply to s/o: sexless marriages, did you know this happens often?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For me, it's the buildup of emotional baggage in a marriage that decreases the desire to have sex.  It's not physical.   If I were single again, I know I'd love sex with other men.  When you are dating and a man does something mean or stupid, you can easily break up with him and start fresh.   When you are married with kids, you put up with more (at least I do).  I don't think men allow those hurts to build up enough to interfere with sex.   [/quote]

This is usually the case.  Emotional baggage and resentment are the killer.  Men move on from disagreements more easily.  My divorced friends are going at it like rabbits again.  From this vantage point, it does seem less messy to just have the affair and get it out of your system.  Such a shame the supposed ethical way to have sex again is divorce.[/quote]

No.  The ethical way is to work with your spouse to rekindle.  Marriage desire has ebbs and flows.  It can come back just as strong.  You essentially will be divorced when you go down the affair road...and the divorce will be more contentious due to the cheating and lies.[/quote]

Your "ethical way" requires a wife's willingness to let go of some emotional baggage. If she can't or won't, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. 
In case of sexless marriage, the concept of "potential divorce if affair gets discovered" is completely irrelevant.  Because,[b] given the fact that men cannot go celibate, [/b]sexless marriage EQUALS divorce. So there is no "risk" of divorce, zero downside of an affair, only upside because the sexless marriage has been saved from certain divorce.[/quote]

this is untrue.

Plenty of men go without sex. [/quote]

I agree.  
The poster above you is nuts.  I wonder what his position is on rape or pedophilia.  What if you are only attracted to prepubescent children? Is it possible to go without sex?  What if you can’t find a person who wants to have sex with you?  Is it possible to go without sex?  [/quote]

Rape and pedophilia are crimes that should be punished to the maximum allowed by law.

Is this thread really about criminals? Or contrived theoretical situations, such as what might be possible under ideal controlled laboratory conditions? 
Ok sure, men can "go without sex" ... in the same way that "women can go barefoot". 
Meanwhile, back in the real world, I have yet to encounter a woman with fewer than 3 or 4 pairs of shoes.[/quote]

You can actually be charged for infecting someone with an STD in some states.  If you were married and contracted an STD from a cheating spouse---she could charge you for harming her health and giving her an STD when she thought she was in a monogamous marriage.

[/quote]
First of all, a sexless wife has no reason to think she's in a monogamous marriage
Second of all, that crime of infecting with STD which you speak about includes things like "knowingly and willfully" so yea again thanks for bringing up some crazy straw man criminal-who-deserves-punishment scenario![/quote]

It may not be criminal. But it is immoral and you're a pig. Not for wanting sex. But for being a sneaking, conniving Shit, getting sex somewhere else while still enjoying the benefits of being married (economic, familial, etc.) You're really going to have an affair, then come home to dinner, play with your kids, and maybe your wife doing your laundry for you (or some version of that)? Still enjoy the child care she provides half of (or more, let's be honest)? Still enjoy the double income, if she works? No, you want it both ways.

I don't begrudge you the feelings of not liking the sexless marriage. I begrudge you your way of dealing with it. If you're such a man, and that's debatable based on your posts, you would man up and either work out out and, if it can't, leave straight up.

I also begrudge you the "no man can live without sex" trope. Plenty of non-criminals do for a variety of reasons. Men aren't some sort of mindless beasts that can't control impulses, can't live with disappointment, can't live without sex . . . so just stop. Stop justifying your shitty behavior. And before you start pointing the finger at the sex-withholding wife's shitty behavior, I may agree. But, we are talking about YOU and your post. And your . . . . just overall shittiness. [/quote]

Was responding to a PP who called it criminal. But I agree with you that secret affairs are dishonorable and that is exactly why I advise to declare the marriage open.

As to "wanting it both ways": start by condemning the sexless wife who wants all the benefits of marriage without that unwanted sex thing, and insist that SHE must either divorce or issue the unrestricted Hall Pass.

As to "no man can live without sex" that is just shorthand for "while it might be theoretically possible that SOME men could live without sex, that degree of herculean feat would require SIGNIFICANTLY more incentive than perceived loyalties to a self chosen platonic room mate wife who has already abdicated from sex in the marriage thereby forfeiting any votes on this topic"

I dispute ever "pointing fingers at a sex-withholding wife" and insist that every person is free to say No to sex at any time. Realize though if you choose to say No often, that is incompatible with a monogamous relationship.[/quote]

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