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[quote=Anonymous]I am a SAHM with a husband in big law and 3  kids. I can relate to your DH’s caregiver fatigue, especially since he didn’t intend to be a SAHD. I planned to stay home, but certainly not for months and months on end without kids in schools or occasional babysitters, and without all the fun indoor kids places that would give me a bit of a break. So I get it! But he needs to suck it up. Here are my suggestions for when you are in crisis mode, and it certainly sounds like you are there:

1 - no more errands, order everything online. I feel guilty about not supporting small business and do my best to do that as much as possible, but I have zero time/energy for errands. Amazon EVERYTHING, instacart/amazon fresh/whatever other grocery delivery service. NO MORE TRIPS TO THE GROCERY STORE WHILE YOU ARE WORKING!! It is insane to me that he was doing that. When I grocery shops, I go at 9pm after kids are in bed. It blows me mind that this isn’t happening already. Bonus - the kids love to color and play in all the boxes! Stick that baby in an amazon box and play peek a boo, the older one can color them and turn them into cars or whatever.

2- HOUSECLEANER. Even Fauci has his cleaner come! You can have the cleaner skip your office (or whenever you are working) and you just clean that yourself. Schedule the cleaners to come on the weeks your big kid is in preschool, and then DH takes the baby out of the house during that time. They can go for a walk or even just play in the car if you don’t have outdoor space. Keep all the windows open, make sure the cleaners wear masks, buy an air purifier, have them only clean the areas that bother you the most to cut down on their time in your house or whatever makes your DH most comfortable. But he doesn’t get to veto the cleaners and then not pick up the slack. We had to cancel our cleaner because our house is tiny and I have three kids home full time (2 doing virtual elementary school) and there’s really no way for us to get out of their way. So our house is filthy but we are just leaving with it and we both clean when we can.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/home/hiring-professional-cleaners-covid-19-rules-to-keep-everyone-as-safe-as-possible/2020/08/18/27747ac2-d808-11ea-aff6-220dd3a14741_story.html

3- EASY MEALS - now is not the time to flex culinary chops. It is a pain for me to make dinner every night while DH finishes work and the kids are driving me insane after I have been alone with them for house. So I do a ton of frozen meals. Pretty much all of Stauffer’s frozen family meals are edible, we like the lasagna, meatloaf, chicken and rice bake. Also chicken pot pie, frozen meatballs, fish sticks, plus all the frozen veggies. I am seriously thinking of buying an extra freezer. Also, takeout. And what is he making for lunch that requires your participation?? The kid is 3. PBJ, quesadillas, frozen nuggets, Mac and cheese. I eat a lot of lean cuisines or just make extra of what the kids eat.

Honestly it sounds like your DH needs a break from the kids at these times more than he needs help making dinner. So maybe give him a 10 minute break to just relax while you pop in the frozen dinner and play with the kids for a few minutes instead of him cooking for half and hour.

4 - mental health screening for DH. Does it seem like he could be depressed? ADHD? If he is caring for non-walking 9 month old and a 3 year old only ever other week...he should be able to help with getting things off your plate. Are you pressuring him to be ‘on’ with the kids all the time? It’s okay for kids to watch some Tv while he scrolls Facebook and zones out for a few minutes and then does the dishes or whatever. [/quote]

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