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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Can you elaborate EXACTLY what is wrong with what you DH is doing?  You go into your office and keep working for your 10 hr stints.

What happens?  Do the kids go hungry?  Is the house on fire?  Are kids sticking forks in light sockets?

Yes when you are done working you will likely have to help out your DH, just like working DH come home and pitch in with a SAHM.

But let’s look at the deficits while DH is in charge concretely and try to shape those. [/quote]

I didn't say anything is WRONG or that I am not helping. I said I am overwhelmed.

I wake up at 6:30 so I can get a shower before the kids wake up. DH wants help from me at mealtimes so I AM helping and I do not "shut myself in my office" for 10 hour stints. I help with the kids from when they wake up until 8:30, then go to my office. I take breaks for nusing/pumping depending on how my calls are going that day. Usually in the morning is when the baby takes his "good" nap so DH will try to run necessary errands or go to his doctor's appointments then if possible. But the baby doesn't always take a good nap, or go down easy, or he wakes up early. I take a break for lunch instead of working through it because DH says that is a time he is overwhelmed with kid things and needs help. I stop work at 5:30 so DH can make dinner while I watch the kids. We eat. We put the kids to bed from 7-8 or 8:30. I log back on. I work until whenever I collapse out of exhaustion. I do it again the next day. For months and months and months. On the weekends, he wants a break from watching the kids all the time, so I try to give him that. I sneak in work during their naps and before they wake up and after they go to bed. I'm constantly falling behind at work despite feeling like all I do is work. I'm exhausted.[/quote]

I'm PP of the Tylenol. Fellow working mom in the trenches.

OK, let's think through this. Do you need to bill this many hours? I'm not a lawyer, I'm a researcher. But are you pushing yourself hard partly because you're paying the girl tax (you know, everything we do has to be 2.5x better and more than what a guy would do)? I would try and honestly do the minimum at work. I know that's crappy and won't make you "feel better" about yourself. But girlfriend, you seem like someone who takes on too much responsibility.

Mealtime: One of the few safe kinds of help you could get is a personal chef to shop and prepare meals. Please look into outsourcing that. As long as you heat at a certain temp for a certain amount of time, it's killing all germs. You should get some real breaks throughout the day, and since you're the breadwinner you should be arranging your work schedule to suit you so that you can rest at night.

Husband: I get that he is in chronic pain and probably a bit depressed and overwhelmed. Having trouble functioning. Having trouble getting himself the care he needs. This probably isn't going away, so you need to get other help.

Nanny: call an agency, see if you can get someone to do live in who is really serious about social distancing. Even if it only lasts a few months, think what an incredible chance that would be for you to catch a breath. You need a couple months of support here if you're going to pull through to next spring. It's just not doable to go go go without any break.

In short, throw any money you can toward this problem, because it's very temporary. We are close to a vaccine and other therapeutics. Take care of your mental and physical health -- with no family close by, if one of you gets sick that could be disastrous for the kids. I know that's not what you want to hear because it's even more stressful. But the reality is that you pouring your last gallon and more into work at this time is not sustainable and leaves little safety net in terms of care for your babies. You can do this. Step back on work, take sick days if necessary, line up some serious stay at home health and the personal chef... it's going to take time to build back your reserves.

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