Reply to Resentful About DH's Schedule- A Vent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I honestly didn't know that other couples put all of their money in a common pot. I might start asking a few of my married friends how they handle finances[/quote]

I think that’s the rule and not the exception.

My DH and I each have a credit card from our single days that we keep for “secret” purchases, and by that I mean each other’s birthday presents.. It would never occur to us to split things up like you do. [/quote]

That takes a level of trust that I'm uncomfortable with. I've had too many friends (of both sexes) tell me about their accounts being wiped by their partners.

I see how combining funds would hold us more accountable to core bills, savings, and then discretionary funds...That's something for me to mull over. But I don't see how that would necessarily change his work habits. If anything, I'm terrified that he'd want to spend MORE money because he'd see more money going into our joint account.[/quote]

I find it odd that you would have such a lack of trust for your spouse. Maybe you have good cause for it. I also find it hard to believe that you have "too many friends" who have had their accounts wiped by their spouses.

All that aside, unless you are dealing with someone who suddenly takes all the money from an account, you can still keep an eye on the balance in a shared account, spending, etc.

I also think that keeping things separate sends a message about a lack of trust -- obviously correctly in your case -- and that cannot be good for a relationship.[/quote]

"Too many" for me equals 5 that I can think of right now off the top of my head. Examples include large unauthorized purchases, sending significantly large sums of money to family overseas (in the 10s of thousands), and another was a court judgement that froze their account. The court judgement situation also happened to my mother when my cousin forged her signature on a lease (another long story, but I will never forget the financial havoc it reeked on my family.) DH has the same name as his dad who is extremely financially irresponsible. We get many collection bills and calls at our home looking for his dad. I'm honestly terrified that one day there'll be a mixup and they freeze one of DH's accounts thinking it's his dad. I've told him this so he knows and completely understands and agrees that its important that I have a pot of money only in my name for all of our protection.[/quote]

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