Reply to WWYD: DH becoming cheap, workaholic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1. Is he spending money on something else without telling you, and

2. Do you have joint accounts and credit cards and can you access all the financial information?

3. If all seems above-board, then you have to sit him down and that say that you have serious concerns about this marriage because he gets to do everything he wants, and refuses to do the things you want. It's fundamentally unfair.

4. Over the course of several conversations, you have to convince him that you get a say in how money is spent, you need a break even if he doesn't. He needs to understand a very important concept that he is not like most people and that he needs to take other people's needs into account.

5. I would refuse to take that in-law vacation and I would book a nice trip (post-pandemic) for myself and the children, with perhaps your relatives or friends. It's your money too, and you only have one life to live, OP. Don't live on his terms and stay miserable.

[/quote]

1. No

2. Yes

3. We have had this kind of conversation but it never goes well. The last time we had it was when he bought an expensive car. He was like "I work hard and I deserve this." Which I don't disagree with. The time before that was when he wanted to join a $$$ for golf. Again, I don't have a problem with that if we can do other things like travel. But it's weird when he refuses my requests to hire household help. We don't have any cleaning or law help. He won't even let me hire painters or handymen and insists of fixing things around the house himself. I can't get him to see why this is weird though. He's very much a "why would I hire someone to do something for me when I can do it myself."

4. He was really against the idea of my taking the kids away on a vacation by myself.

To answer the other poster's question, he's in his early forties. I don't think he is worried about his specific job but he does see that the industry is changing. We have a lot of money saved though. I don't know what he thinks we need this money for since he has no plans to use it on anything besides the kids' college educations.[/quote]

HI OP,

Get an appointment with a therapist and come up with a script to talk about the vacation issue.

"Honey, after we spend the week with your parents at Rehoboth I've booked a place in Ocean City for an additional 3 weeks. We can drive
over to your parents in two cars and at the end I'll drive down to OC with the kids. I think it important to spend time with the kids
while we still have the kids.  You can work remotely at OC with us or drive down on the weekends to spend time with us."

Other alternatives would be for you to take the kids camping at Assateague or Shenandoah.  Vacations don't have to be pricey.

He might not like you vacationing with the kids but it sounds like you need a break.  i.e. Even if he is against it, schedule, book it,
invite him to come with you and the kids or he can come with you and the kids on the weekends.

Can you schedule Disney with your kids and your parents?  Tell husband he is welcome to join.

My girlfriend's husband never wants to travel.  She always wants to go international.  She will book a trip with a girlfriend 9 months or a year out.
Husband says he does not want to go.  About 4 weeks out husband changes mind.  Husband goes with them.  Sometimes he can't even get on
the same plane so he has to get to Europe on a different plane from wife and her friend.

I'd get a therapist to help you come up with a script re: the vacations.[/quote]

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