Reply to Long term affair... trying to wrap my head around if it’s even possible to get over your DH’s 3 yr

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[quote=Anonymous]So I read so many, SO MANY, posts of people in miserable marriages all over this board.  They don't like their spouse.  They don't talk to their spouse.  They don't have sex with their spouse. They resent their spouse.  They aren't even friends anymore, much less lovers.

Would you want that kind of marriage as long as your spouse was faithful?

Now--say you had a really good best friend and good father.  Somebody that you always laughed with, had good sex with and he shared a big part of family responsibility.  Now let's say 15, 20-years in he cheated--mid-life affair for variety or childhood trauma or feeling like a failure, etc. If this man experienced tremendous remorse, threw himself into therapy and doted on you and made it his life mission to make this up to you for the rest of his life...

Which marriage would you want to be in for the last 20-25 years of your life?

Some of the most judgmental people are in awful marriages.  They don't have love--but one person is a boss or a bully or completely checked out---but hey the never cheated!

You need to think about what marriage you had, what your relationship is like, what is best for YOU and your kids and what you see for the future.  You also need to protect your assets and you most have some type of 'bargainning chip', albeit a post-nup 60-40%, vasecotomy, therapy for life, etc.  whatever it takes to build back trust.

Look as you get older, you learn life is not black and white.  If you are growing as a person, you see many shades of gray.   Our country is all black and white right now.  Extreme.  Compassion and growth.

All affairs are nowhere near the same.  All people in them are not the same.  All marriages are different.  You need to work with a therapist on your own.  Good luck.   [/quote]

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