Reply to How do you get over being ostracized from a group?

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[quote=Anonymous]This happened to me. Hugs to you, OP. It's terrible and your former friends are the ones who lost. Try to take solace in the fact that even if this hadn't happened to you, it would have happened to someone else in the group. Those people have unhealthy relationship patterns and will just keep repeating them over and over, no matter how much they damage people around them. They may seem happy but they are actually terribly insecure and desperately trying to cover it up. That's what all their Facebook posting and parties are about -- convincing themselves and others that they are popular and loved and important, because deep down in side they fear they are none of those things.

You are the strong one for realizing you'd rather have real, genuine friendships with fewer people than a ton of fake friends and vague acquaintances. You are strong for recognizing that social media is designed to make you feel left out and lonely, and just opting out altogether. You are even strong for channeling your feelings into a post like this one -- it shows how much you are working to move forward and make healthy choices, and that despite what happened to you, you are still open to the wisdom of others. You are strong for resisting the urge to email your old friends and tell them things they almost certainly wouldn't listen to anyway.

I wouldn't say this gets easier, but I will say you get better at it. I also self-harmed for awhile after it happened to me, and it took me some time to figure out how to channel my anger and feelings of powerlessness into more productive, or at least less harmful, activities. My go-tos are running, journaling, baking, drawing dumb cartoons, dying my hair, shopping for vintage clothes online, and decorating my apartment. I have also become obsessed with books and television shows and movies about people who are gossiped about, betrayed, misunderstood, or duped into joining a cult (I have come to recognize a lot of disturbing similarities between my old social circle and cults, it's actually very cathartic).

I agree with other PPs who have said that getting that email chain was a blessing in disguise. Think if you hadn't. You would have spent maybe years of your life continuing to believe those people were your friends and cared about you. You probably would have figured it out eventually, but in the meantime, they would have gaslit you and lied to you and made you feel crazy and dumb. Good riddance. [/quote]

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