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[quote=Anonymous]Sounds like my MIL.  She will never apologize.  One of her adult children wrote a very similar letter to her, and pretty much got the same response. In addition, MIL badmouthed her to the rest of the family about how she just couldn't let the past go, and how she keeps bringing up the past, and making up stories that never happened. MIL also attempted to contact her therapist to discuss some "issues", but the therapist thankfully drew some boundaries. That person eventually went no contact with her, and unfortunately but necessarily, also with the rest of the family and is finally doing much better.

DH agrees with MIL in the aspect that it's pointless to keep digging up the past.  He has selective amnesia for his childhood, and I think it's the only way he can be ok as an adult.  It's also how he can still have a civil relationship with his parents.  He literally does not remember most of his childhood nor does he even give it one second of thought. I'm not sure how he can compartmentalize so severely and completely, but he does.  I think his brain is wired to be able to do that. But he has worked on himself in other ways. The rest of the children have struggled with addiction, compulsive behaviors, depression, divorces, suicide attempts.

MIL in fact feels an intolerable amount of guilt.  So much so that she will attack when blamed.  Gaslight the other person to make them question their reality and make them feel like they are going crazy.  Paint that person as the sick one, the black sheep, and attempt to turn the entire family against that person.

If OP's mom is anything like my MIL, any attempt to get any kind of satisfactory response to the kind of letter OP described is a fruitless endeavor.[/quote]

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