Reply to Sexless-ness is an acceptable negative outcome from marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]That hasn't been my experience with myself or my female friends, but it sounds like that was the case in your marriage. I'm sorry to hear that, although it does make me wonder how bad your marriage was that your wife was unable to "un-see" whatever it is you did.

You proved my point - that getting laid is work. Either that work is with your wife, or it's with other women. If you choose other women, fine. But a lot of men want to choose their wives (and vice versa).

Marriages are between real people with real feelings and real pain. A blanket solution of "just get divorced as soon as things start to head south! She'll never want you again anyway! He's never going to change!" isn't helpful, nor practical, and not based in real life. Most people want to fix their marriage, not bail at the first sign of trouble. The problem is that the ideas about relationships that circulate our culture aren't useful, and often destructive. The best we can do is promote the things that DO work and support those who need it.

Learn about relationships. Learn how men and women work. Learn how women's sexuality works. Commit to connecting with your partner and meeting his/her needs. [/quote]

Our marriage was not "bad" in that there was no addiction, abuse, or adultery. There was fault on both sides, but we became indifferent to each other. After we had kids, I stopped paying much attention to her, and totally focused on the kids. I wasn't fat, but I was definitely lazy and boring. Did not treat her like she had value (nor did she treat me like I had value).

You are missing my point that it is a lot [i]more [/i]work to regain the attention of a bored wife than it is to gain the attention of a new woman. (This is one reason men cheat. I didn't, but I very easily could have. Married women came on to me all the time when I was married.) The only thing offsetting this is that if you have kids, a divorce will hurt them. I would have divorced my wife in 2016 instead of 2019 if we hadn't had kids. Sadly, my efforts to regain her attention proved futile. It certainly could not be said that I "bailed at the first sign of trouble" - though if you don't have kids, that really is the way to go.

I know how women's sexuality works. That is why I will never get married again. Once you get married, it's only a matter of time before she is bored with you.[/quote]

That’s the right answer.  If sex is important to you - don’t get married.  Sex is best in the first months anyway.  When you get to an age where sex is no longer that important, then get married.

Men should be taught this at a younger age because its certainly not what they expect. I think women are ahead of the curve maturity-wise in this area.  They often get married because they’ve had their fill of banging hot guys and are ready to settle down. Guys think “Oh-boy, I’m getting married and I can kock down this great sex for a lifetime!”.[/quote]

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