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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Install a keypad lock.  No keys.  If you need to give them access to your home, you can give them a code and disable it at your pleasure.  How old are your kids?  If school aged, invite them to every school thing and get them cleared to volunteer at your kid’s school.  Our schools have had many deeply involved grandparent volunteers and I am sure that they irritated someone in their family, but they were beloved and needed at school.  And the school manages them, not you.  Thanksgiving plays, field day, awards day, band concerts, choral concerts, plays, etc.  There are so many things at school.  And you don’t have to talk to them much.  Also, sports, there are practices and games and team parties and tournaments and all kinds of stuff.  Drop your kids at practice and tell the ILs practice is Thursdays from 4pm to 5pm.  You are welcome to cheer Jacob on from the sidelines and meet us for dinner after.  Or better yet, bring home dinner.  Make their presence work for you.  Are they computer literate?  Set up a google calendar and share it with them of everything that they are invited to attend.

My parents are the ones who live the closest.  My mom picked up my daughter from preschool one day per week and had the afternoon with her.  She also did a lot of half day pick ups which was really helpful.  We had aftercare at school, but it was nice for my mom and she to have the time together.  My MIL moved away or I would have offered her the same opportunity - she is by no means my favorite person, but free child care is free child care.  And my MIL is super judgmental too.  I just mostly ignore it.  I also make her my husband’s problem as much as possible.  He now has to go pick her up in order for her to attend anything with us.  She lives an hour away and he doesn’t want to do that.  When I first started dumping her on him, he balked.  So I just turned it around on him.  “Cool.  You can cook Thanksgiving Dinner with my mom and I will go get your mom instead.  Mom will be here at noon.”  “I am timing at the swim meet and the kids have to be there at 7:45.  So you think I should handle that and calling your mom to invite her too?  I think you can make a phone call.”  “If you think I should be the one communicating with your parents, then should be the one communicating with mine.”  And any time you get any crap from the ILs, throw your husband under the bus.  “Oh gee, Mary.  I gave Gus the schedule and told him to let you know.  Let him know how disappointed you are so he doesn’t forget again.”  I know that seems mean, but no one in your life is going to decide that you need fewer unpleasant things to do and they need more.
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Yuck. I have a kid with learning disabilities and some of the worse experiences I've had after substitute spec ed teachers, were grandparents who volunteered. [/quote]

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