Reply to Is it rude to speak a second language with children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I encourage it with DH and DD. When his parents call or FaceTime with DD, I like when they only speak to her in their language. She can understand 100% and is starting to answer back (she’s 3.5).

I find it rude when they are visiting and they speak. I get that they slip, but they have been here 30 years and speak English perfectly. FWIW, I’m learning, and have learned quite a bit but don’t have the time to dedicate to learning a new language, and my brain isn’t a language sponge like some people’s.  [/quote]

PP, the two halves of your post seem to be at odds with each other. If you like it when the grandparents speak in their native language with your child over FaceTime or on the phone, why do you then find it rude for them to do so in person? Or did you mean you find it rude that DH (not DD) and his parents speak in that language in person? It's confusing. It might help if you clarify, because it appears as if you -- I'm not sure, you think that they ought to speak English only when there in person?

Can you see why the two paragraphs of your post seem to contradict each other?

Speaking the language in front of and with your DD in person is even better for her than speaking it to her via phone or FaceTime. If you want your DD to learn this language (and/or DH wants her to learn it), why would you then find it "rude" for the grandparents to use it in person? Even if they're not speaking TO your DD, it's good for her to hear it spoken when they're around. Do you worry that they're talking about you and trying to hide it?

Having a second language, ANY language, actually is good for the brain. It develops and exercises the brain, even if the language is one that might not be considered widely useful for jobs later or whatever. And it creates bonds between the child and the parent/grandparents. Are you feeling left out of that bonding when the grandparents are there in person?

I'm truly NOT criticizing you personally, I'm just wondering why Facetime and phone are OK yet in person is not, and wondering if you can see the contradiction. You seem upset or angry that the in-laws don't use their perfect English. Maybe you feel left out because you realize you don't have a brain that's a "language sponge" and you feel left out when they communicate with your DD in ways you can't? Again -- not being snarky or critical, but wondering if you yourself see the conflict in what you posted. [/quote]

I don’t find it rude in person. I find it rude when I am sitting there, participating in the conversation, and the whole group switches to it.

If they’re playing with DD, and I come into the room for a second to grab something, there is no need to switch to English. If she’s in the room with me, and want to ask her simple questions on their way by, no problem. I’m learning too, so those things help me.

If it’s a grown up conversation and I’m excluded for lengthy periods of time, which often happens, I feel cranky. [/quote]

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