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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not sure what help OP is asking for. I have an only.  Its been hard for her during this period because she is lonely. Is that what you mean OP?[/quote]

OP here. I am unable to have another. I am looking for help/resources on how to parent DC successfully. I was an only for a long time until my parents had a late in life child and I hated being an only and was so happy for my sibling (we are very close). I feel very sad I cannot give this to DC. [/quote]

Really sorry OP. Your DC will be 100% fine and happy... if YOU really want another, maybe consider adoption?[/quote]

This.

OP, if you only want another child if you can give birth to them I think you really need to think about why this is true. There is nothing wrong with being an only child. I’m sorry you didn’t like it but tons of people do. [/quote]

Well, at least you didn’t say “just adopt”.

Anyone who is faced infertility has considered adoption, I promise you. It’s not that obscure a concept. There are also many many reasons why a family would not want to or would not be able to adopt.  
[/quote]

As someone with an adopted sibling, I guess I'm not super sympathetic to the hang-wringing about insisting on bringing a child into the world on your own and the insistence that adoption is not something you would consider. If you don't want to adopt, then fine, don't do it, but at least acknowledge that your horror over having an only child is a decision that you are in fact making. And actually, my parents adopted a baby who was taken back by her birth parents right before she was six months old (we adopted her at birth). And then they adopted another child. So I am aware of the time, cost, and emotional requirements related to adopting, and I don't take it lightly.[/quote]

OP here - was the adopted sibling you grew up with your only sibling (outside of the baby who was taken back)? How did you feel about having an adopted sibling? Did/does your child feel as much a part of the family as you? Do you feel your parents ever favored you? Or was it quite the other way? I know all this sounds crazy and may be too prying, but these are things that have run through my mind emotionally. [/quote]

OP, PP here. Sorry for the delay in responding, but I'm not on DCUM every day! I was the only child my mom birthed and then it was just me and my adopted brother (I never called him my "adopted brother," I'm just being clear who I'm talking about). I honestly thought having an adopted sibling was sort of a better deal than having a blood sibling because I didn't lose my mom in any way while she was pregnant! I don't have any blood siblings to compare it to, but I never treated him differently because he was adopted. I also don't think I felt any less close to him because he was adopted. He struggled at times with being adopted in the same way I think many people do, but I don't think he has ever felt like our parents are any less his, if that makes sense. He was adopted the day he was born, so I don't know how that affects things, but he was just always part of our family. I also have a friend who was adopted and then her parents went on to have three biological kids and the four of them are super close as siblings and all very close to their parents. Our good friends also have an adopted daughter who is friends with our daughters (she is an only child) and was also adopted at birth. Yes, there can be issues that arise with feelings of abandonment, etc., but that's just their family as they've always known it. I've also had friends who have adopted older children and I do think that is harder because there was a time before they were a family, if that makes sense. If anything, I think my parents favored my brother when we were younger, but that's also probably because he was younger than me so he was more of a baby and I was a pretty easy kid (never got into trouble, didn't drink until college, never stayed out late, etc.).

If you are interested in adoption, I would suggested reading some books and talking to people who have done it and are going through it. Much like here on DCUM if you ask people what life is like with four kids, for example, you'll get lots of different stories! I think the only thing I can think to say is that from the moment my brother was handed to my parents, he was just my brother, plain and simple. I think my parents felt the same way. I'm not saying it's like that for everyone, of course, and I can only speak for myself, but I will say I never thought of my nuclear family (my parents and I) and then my brother as separate. Not even once.[/quote]

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