Reply to I?m upset that my kids don?t seem to care about getting married or having children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  When I read this thread, I was struck by how much it mirrored my own experience, and then I realized I’d started it.  :D

Things are the same.  Kids still:  #1 dating but not settling down; #2 dating for 5+ years and not committed (though she still talks about marriage and kids); and #3 not dating at all, and he recently came out as asexual (which...makes sense).

I love them and they love me, and I will continue to wait and try to be patient for what comes next.  By my age, my mom was a grandparent several times over.  Maybe in a decade I will be a grandmother.  Fingers crossed!

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OP, you sound insufferable. Be more concerned with your children's physical and mental well-being than wishing that they fulfill your emotional void to be a grandparent. [/quote]

She seems to be very concerned about her kids. Stop inserting your own projections. [/quote]

NP here. I disagree. She doesn't show any concern for her kids. Just herself. I see that a lot these days. Very selfish grandmas. [/quote]

Yes, the OP's narrative is "I want my children to have children so that I can enjoy grandchildren". But children doesn't make everyone happy. OP, check out the 'I mostly regret my children" thread that is gaining replies now. You might have some perspective after reading through the responses. [/quote]

It's a rarity to read that,  and if you do, you will notice that she's upset about her adult kids.

You seem to think that there is pressure from grandparents for their own selfish needs. If yoy ask most people,  they will say it's really about their enjoyment of watching their kids have a family...not about what they are getting out of it. And, even if it's something they want...what is selfish? To love a child, to help take care of a child,  to watch the bridge ftom generation to generation?

I imagine all these 30 somethings at 44, 55, 65, 75...sure hope they looooooove their career because when it's all said and done,  [b]it's the family that counts, not the promotions,[/b]  the marble backsplash, the cars...These grandparents  are wishing for their kids' lives....the joys and the future..for when they won't even be here. If not kids,  then a life partner,  a family- something fulfilling other than things.

It's not always about being selfish. Parents generally want their kids to be happy, and they carry the perspective  from before they were parents, to when their  parents  became grandparents,  etc.  They experienced that connection between the generations.  People without kids don't understand that...they don't understand that type of love,  so they decide it must be selfishness on the parents' part. Maybe these parents  just love their kids . So, don't have children,  it is your choice,  and no one can demand or insist that you do, but don't try to explain what you don't know about to someone who does know.  No, they aren't being selfish. Kids aren't things. [/quote]

Repeat after me. Not everybody wants that lifestyle. Not everybody is family-oriented. I know I'm not! Of course I love my family, but my work is going to come first. Some people want to put their career first. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Different strokes for different folks. End of discussion![/quote]

No prob, girl. But your parents are not selfish, old fashioned,  stupid,  domineering,pushy, not relevant, mean, clueless. In your case, they probably support your decision.

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