Reply to I?m upset that my kids don?t seem to care about getting married or having children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you sounds like my mother. I am married but don’t have kids because we’re struggling with infertility. My two siblings are not in relationships because they’ve tried and had terrible experiences. We don’t tell her any of this because she won’t shut up about grandkids. We just stop telling her anything at all. [/quote]

You haven't told your mother about going through infertility? She will likely be devasted that you did not share that with her. She already knows about your siblings' issues.  Why not just level with her. Why all the secrecy. She has no idea, which is why she's bringing it up.  [/quote]

Because all the pressure about kids does not make this the kind of relationship where I feel like I can be vulnerable and honest. So anyone putting pressure on your kids... this could be you. [/quote]

I am not OP. I am also not putting pressure on my kids- not even sure OP actually is. But there's two issues here.  The fact that you are going through infertility issues,  and have been for sometime, without once mentioning this to your Mom is really the problem. Pretty sure once she knows, she will feel awful for the discussion around grandchildren.  I think you have this backwards. You are actually creating the situation between you and your Mom. It's almost as if you are taking your anger with regard to not being successful thus far with fertility treatments on her, because if she didn't ever mention it all of this wouldn't be a heartbreak. No, it's still a heartbreak,  but now we've added layers of blame.

Just say, " You know,  it's painful for all of us, Mom.  Here's why:  ....."

Her response will be something to the effect of horror that she didn't know. ...for a lot of reasons. 
You may be successful, you may not be, in fertility,  but you alone have the power to stop this cycle of discussion that leads nowhere and only adds to the stress.[/quote]

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