Reply to Is it selfish to only want 1 child?

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Reply to "Is it selfish to only want 1 child?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]On the face of it, no it's not selfish.

But. I kind of do think it is selfish not to care what your husband wants.[/quote]

OP, ignore the judgement above. It would be as easy to say your husband is selfish for not "caring" what you want.

PP, the OP clearly does care what her husband thinks or she would not be posting here at all. Just because she disagrees does not mean she doesn't care. Stop with the guilt-tripping.

To the OP:

The simple fact is: When it comes to having more children, "no" is the answer that always has to take precedence.

Here's why:

A "yes" means a new human being who can't be returned to the store. A "yes" cannot be undone and the result is for your lifetime (and the lifetime of your other child--you are making this choice not only for yourselves as parents but for your existing child and that child's lifetime, too). A "yes" also affects every aspect of your life, your DH's and your child's, from relationships to time to who really will bear most of the child-rearing work, to finances (yes, you have to be hard-nosed enough to think about the finances involved).

If your gut is saying life with one child is great, go with your gut. If your husband pressures you, get yourselves to couples counseling and get a neutral third party involved. There should be no pressure from either of you on anything as crucial as this.

As for the posts that say -- inevitably -- you'd be "giving your child a wonderful gift" or "only children are lonely when their parents are gone" etc. etc. , all that is rooted only in people's own experiences or their rosy, preconceived notions about sibling relationships. I find it pretty condescending when people tell parents that they somehow are doing wrong by their one child if they fail to provide another child as playmate, best friend forever, help and support in old age. Do those things all happen and they're fine? Sure. Can anyone guarantee it? Absolutely not. Should you let it make you feel you are denying your one child anything by not having more children? No.

Enjoy yourself as you have time to volunteer and be more truly involved at school and activities because you're [i]not[/i] running around to multiple events for two (or more) kids.

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