Reply to Do you have to super attractive to find a good man in your 40’s?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, the good guys want someone who is a good partner, not just the hottest woman they can get. I have two male relatives who met and married divorced women with kids in their 40's. Both relatives are high earners, one of them ridiculously high earning. Neither of the women is a bombshell. They're decent looking, but that's it. But the big issue is that both women are great partners and wonderful moms and now grandmas several years later.

For the extremely high earner, he had kids from a previous marriage and so did his now second wife. She's educated, involved with the community, and took over a lot of parenting duties for all the kids. She's a wonderful person and he's lucky to have her. [/quote]

And yes he is lucky. Hope he finally realizes that too. [/quote]

PP here, yes, he does. Plus all his female relatives remind him constantly :) His first wife was gorgeous, but their marriage had a lot of issues and they were constantly battling each other. I think he learned a lot about what not to do and he grew up a bit himself. His second marriage is fantastic. They're fully on the same team and his kids love the current wife. She did so much for them when they were young and now she's a fabulous grandma to all their grandkids. They have a wonderful life.

The other male relative married a divorced woman with tween kids. Now they're extremely involved grandparents. They also have a fabulous life, spending almost every weekend with grandkids. They're the kind of grandparents I wish we had for our kids. They take the grandkids for all or part of almost every weekend to give parents a break.

My takeaway is that the right kind of guys look at the type of future they want with kids, grandkids, etc. They're looking for someone who can facilitate that and build the relationships with family, community, etc. I think it's important for women to look not only at what they're getting, but also what they're giving. The type of guy who would marry a woman who doesn't have a great relationship with his kids isn't a good man, and the type of woman who would marry a man who doesn't have a good relationship with his and her kids isn't a good woman. If you want a good guy and a happy life with kids and grandkids, then you need to be willing to work hard to foster that environment. It's a bit sexist, but women still control a lot of the family relationships. In both cases, their wives are the ones coordinating with both sides of the family and planning the kid stuff. It's not always easy, but it really pays off, especially once kids are grown and you have close relationships with adult children and grandkids.

If I'm ever single again, then finding a man who wants this same long view of close relationships with our kids and eventually grandkids is a must. It's what the good ones want. Just my 2 cents, YMMV.[/quote]

I don’t understand what the two men brought to the table besides money. [/quote]

I had that same thought.  That seems like a lot of work for 1/2 a bed in someone’s home and regular sex.  I think I would rather be single.  [/quote]

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