Reply to Anyone completely blind sided by a cheating spouse ?

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Reply to "Anyone completely blind sided by a cheating spouse ?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh and he’s very freaked out about my family or his finding out.  Like seriously wtf?

3 f@cking years of deception and lies and putting in a charming act for everyone...and my dad was dying.[/quote]

Tell everyone and the AP’s spouse. His actions have consequences, no rug sweeping.[/quote]

+1.  It's very important that you tell the truth to everyone about what is going on, for your own health.  You can do so in a matter of fact way, so you don't seem like a crazy person.  "Yes, Bob and I are getting a divorce because I found out he was cheating with X for Y amount of time. Obviously, one can't have any kind of healthy marriage with that kind of dishonesty, so we've decided to split up."  Then give just the facts that are necessary to know -- which adults will live where, where the kids will live, if there is a custody schedule, how the perpetrator spouse will or will not continue participating in carpool, whatever events or responsibilities are relevant to people who need to know.

For his family, you are entitled to tell the truth and set whatever boundaries you like.  I wish I had done this at the very beginning.  We all (kids and me) would have been better off if I had said, "I just want to let you know about some major family changes that are happening.  Larlo has been cheating repeatedly on me with women from work, hookers, etc.  Obviously, we will be splitting up. Larlo has agreed that the kids will live with me and he will visit every X,Y and Z days.  We will also be splitting Xmas and Thanksgiving.  The kids have enjoyed being a part of Larlo's extended family, and I know that they look forward to continuing to see cousins, uncles and grandpas when they have scheduled time with their dad."

Answer questions as appropriate.... No, I'm not mistaken about this; I have hard proof.  No I don't want to discuss any of the details.  No, there is no chance of reconciling.  Yes, we've been to therapy but it is not possible to save the marriage, and I think the best way forward is to continue to be co-parents in the way that we have agreed.  Thank you for your support, I appreciate it.  or I'm sorry you disagree with my choices, but this is what I have decided is best for my health and the health of our children.  [/quote]

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