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General Parenting Discussion
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, your DH is not being a good husband or dad. He is purposefully avoiding family time because he can’t deal. This is why the breadwinner-SAHP dynamic sucks. The breadwinner often feels emboldened to avoid home life because he can use “work” as an excuse and the SAHP has to deal.[/quote] This absolutely. You think the breadwinner is not in the office surfing the internet, checking email, etc? He is. All while getting meals brought up to him! Parenting in these circumstances is hard as it is. Parenting with a non-verbal, autistic child on top of that? OP I feel for you. The dynamics here are not good. You are allowed to complain and vent to friends. You are allowed to have your feelings. You should never be made to feel bad about that. He may be earning income, but you are also working. While his job just got easier due to no morning commute, no afternoon commute, and no having to dress for work, you job just got harder by an order of magnitude. If he's saving on commuting time, he needs to contribute. Maybe he can make breakfast, lunches ahead, or set up an activity before he starts working. It cannot just be "oh well your job just got a million times harder, too bad so sad, see you at 6:30". That's not what partners do. Add to that your special needs child - that is a huge factor and cannot just fall on mom. I would try to have an honest conversation with him and discuss what things you could offload to him. Stop bringing him lunch, start standing up for yourself, and tune out the a**holes on this thread. [/quote] You must not work. Switching to remote working can make jobs a lot more difficult. I agree that OP should stop bringing him lunch but I think it’s unfair to assume that her DH’s job has also not gotten considerably harder.[/quote] Actually I work as the breadwinner and am teleworking with kids in the home. He makes only $110k/year for a 50 hour per week office job. It's highly unlikely that he needs to be cranking for 10 hours per day with zero time for breaks and cannot even stop for lunch. He might have a few back to back conference calls, but come on. This guy is not some high powered lawyer or C suite individual. And EVEN IF his job is now harder, he still is saving on commuting time both ways, which means he needs to step up. We all know what is going on here. I work a FT telework schedule with kids in the home and my DH is active duty military and reporting for work each day. My DH comes home and makes dinner for us. There is no way this guy is SO busy or SO important that he cannot shift some of the load off his wife. [/quote] Actually people making $110k often have less flexibility then C-suite. I know since we started telework I need to report my start and end time, submit a daily report of my tasks and accomplishments per hour, and they are monitoring the chat ‘active’ light on our Slack client. Even places like patent office have strict hours and quotas despite being remote only. Maybe in the office he can walk around and chat under the guise of work, but many managers don’t like telework so micromanage. Maybe if OP tells us his role and industry we can evaluate how he can free up time?[/quote]
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