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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]thinks I need to work on improving myself and getting to my “full potential” [/quote]

What is this part about, do you think, OP?

Do you think he is having an affair or is considering one? Does he want you to be more like an AP?

Sounds like he is pretty checked out on family life. I was once like you, including thinking ADD was the answer. The thing is, labels only help if they apply to you and you are motivated to find solutions or make changes. In this case, your DH seems to have indicated clearly that he is not. If that does not change, I think you accept the status quo or make plans to leave. Unfortunately, we cannot change other people. It is entirely possible that he has low self esteem and issues re: behaviors or coping skills he has used all his life re: possible ADD. If that is the case, he may come around and become more open to change. I wish you and your family well and hope you find peace.

If outsourcing more is possible, it is never a bad idea. [/quote]
It has entered my mind that he has interest in someone else, but my gut tells me no. I think the 'full potential' bit has good intentions -- like that he wants me to feel personally fulfilled in multiple elements of life as he perceives himself to be -- career, physical health, relationships (though he can't seem to see ours is struggling), etc. He just doesn't see the disconnect that part of the reason he is so fulfilled is because he spends/is able to spend so much time focusing on himself, while I rarely have time to do so. Have you ever heard of the House of Equilibrium? It's this goal-setting thing where you try to find balance across multiple facets of life. He was rather proud of his when he laid it out and it really irked me because my "House" would be wildly unbalanced. That's kind of the "full potential" thing, from his perspective, I think.

I agree with you about the labels and do wonder if I am setting myself up for a major disappointment if/when he is diagnosed that he does nothing about it and we are back to square one.

I am looking into more childcare outsourcing but so far haven't found anything/one who will fit our needs.[/quote]

My parents know a couple where the “absent minded professor dad”, “crazy son 2”, and “no emotion son 1” carried on.

The SAHM did everything for 40+ years.  But she also made sure they lived in a tiny house without many things. The kids did very little outside of school, maybe piano lessons tops. They took the same two trips every year, camping and to visit one side of family. She lived very frugally, especially as the absentminded professor “retired” at age 50 and she never worked. She inherited some money and bought a larger house once the youngest started college, however he now lives at home, has a bunch of degrees but cannot hold down a job.

She is currently a shell of a person and lost all conversational skills. Absentminded professor does nothing but surf the internet all day. Son 2 is nocturnal living at home. Son 1 is divorced, no custody. She never got any of them help, if anything she enabled them with excuses.

If you go the “sacrifice everything route” and SAHM then you have to keep your sanity with individual therapy, effective coping mechanisms, and several friend and support groups.  And make sure your kids don’t have the same thing. If they do, early intervention is key. [/quote]

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