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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When my parent's estate finally settled most of my siblings/I were pissed that they had about a million $$$. Both were lucky that they had great pensions/healthcare but and aged in place but this was accomplished by fighting them on paying for each increasing level of care they needed (which became 24/365 at end.) For way too long they relied on us to do doctor appts, personal care, errands. While that sounds simple it was on top of us all working, raising kids, having our own needs. We kept telling them that they'd worked for as long as they did to allow their dream of staying in their own home and it was their reward-not meant for us to inherit. Their legacy is that by the end there was so much acrimony among the 'kids' that few of us keep in touch and a million split 7 ways was not worth this OR seeing them suffer rather than pay for adequate care.[/quote]

My parents have 100K left. 100K! The rest is in the house they are insisting on staying in, that's blowing through that 100K at an alarming rate. [/quote]

They are better off enjoying it and going into a medicaid nursing home.[/quote]

They scream ‘no nursing home’, ‘not moving’, etc. That’s the point you are deliberately missing. The reality is, if they looked at other options, they could have it all - a great place to live, money in the bank to afford whatever care they want, and family around to help them with all their needs. That’s what they say they want too! They just refuse to make the change to get there. I get the concept of fear, but it’s an emotion, not reality.[/quote]

I think the indecisiveness is common as people age, unfortunately. My grandfather, bless him, moved he and my grandmother into a great facility when they were in their late 60's/early 70's - they were still quite healthy at that point. My grandmother did not want to go, but it was the best decision for them. I saw the indecisiveness creep in in his '80's. He was constantly worried about the estate tax (this is when the Estate Tax was applicable to estates of $1million) and we endlessly discussed a trust so his estate wouldn't be subject to the estate tax. I thought it had all been set up, only to learn that he could never quite decide. The gov't took half of their estate - which was right at the $1million mark. They weren't wealthy people. He had simply consistently invested relatively small amounts in the stock market for probably 30-40 years and reaped the benefit of the late '90's stock market boom.

I see the same lack of decisiveness with my parents, who are healthy but almost 80. They keep talking about moving to a retirement community in my hometown. I thought it was a concrete plan, but it turns out they haven't even met with the retirement community.

My best friend is in an even worse situation - her mother is in very bad health. Basically homebound and on oxygen. She can't even get her parents to have a conversation with her. I feel like that's going to just crash down on her. At least she and her sister are in the same town and are close with each other. She owns her own business so her time is somewhat her own.[/quote]

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