Reply to SAHM-what division of responsibility when one parent stays home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Being a SAHM means you’re going to be doing the bulk of childcare, cleaning and cooking.  The exception is if you’re wealthy and can outsource all of this.  I mean insanely wealthy with live in staff.  Weekly cleaners still mean there is cleaning work for the SAHM like cleaning after meals and kids playing.

Most women aren’t interested in being a man’s maid, cook and nanny so they go to work.  It’s a better arrangement.  You get paid money too.

If you’re a SAHM and you expect your husband to pitch in at home a lot well then you’re not doing your job.  He will think you’re a joke.  You don’t work and you STILL can’t manage everything at home??[/quote]

You need to meet better men.  [/quote]

C’mon.  What are you even doing if you stay at home and don’t handle most stuff at home?  A woman stays home to spend more time with kids, not pay for childcare, not burden the higher earning spouse with chores, etc.  It is terrible to admit but a woman stays home to benefit everyone else.

You’re insane if you think your husband should be the sole breadwinner and then come home and split chores with you.  [/quote]

I stay home to provide care for my children, not to make my husband's life easier.  Do I do more domestic labor because I'm at home more?  Yes. There is more to do because we are here during the day and it has to be done to meet my children's needs on a daily basis.  Does that absolve my husband from domestic labor when he is home?  Why on Earth would it?

He is part of the family so he does his share, just like I expect of my kids as they get older.  Is it strictly equal across the board?  Of course not.  But it is not my "job" to keep house for him or relieve him of all domestic or parenting responsibilities.  That is antiquated thinking and I am thankful that there are not men in my life who indulge in it.

[/quote]

+100

And women whose husbands think a SAHM should do nearly everything are typically those who reasonably conclude they shouldn’t SAH. [b]Most of the partnerships I know with a SAHM are the most progressive and egalitarian[/b], because otherwise, why would a 21st century woman make that choice?[/quote]

OH MY GOD[/quote]

Lol, this. SAHM long-term is hardly a progressive choice. In fact, it’s a very retro choice. Barring medical/SN issues, it’s for people who have either 0 career ambition or an unhelpful spouse. Which is fine, but hardly progressive.

Progressive would be both parents choosing flexible jobs that maximize time with their children and allow them to spend roughly equal amounts of time with their children and share household tasks.[/quote]

PP is actually more accurate but you are missing what she is saying. Women who have a choice about working/not working have that because financially it works for their family, and usually if they SAH, it is because they have a spouse who is not an infant-spouse who truly does nothing at home to help with the children or household. Women who have the choice of working or not working financially but have an infant-spouse often choose TO WORK because then they are able to get more help - either because their husband has to step up or they can outsource.

Having a spouse who behaves like an infant is not sustainable in a marriage, especially if you are a SAHP. If you have to work to get your husband to act like an adult, then that is what you have to do.

[/quote]

This is so not true. The SAHMs I know do so because their DHs are very little help with kids or the house and they don’t have family nearby who are willing/able to help. The moms don’t want to outsource a ton of childcare, they want a family member to be with their kids, so they’re essentially forced to quit. The UMC WOHMs I know would quit in an instant if they didn’t have a DH who was willing to pull his weight.[/quote]

I am a SAHM and I personally know one husband/father who did not do anything to help at home or with kids, and I had friends who were SAH, WOH, PT WOH, all combinations. It is just not sustainable in a marriage and that marriage did not survive.  It is very hard to stay married to someone you don't respect.  [/quote]

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