Reply to Found out FIL paid off grandson’s student loans/zero help for my kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote][b]You have to make a lot of uncharitable assumptions about this kid, who comes from a bankrupt family, to justify OP’s heartless selfishness.[/b] And that’s my point.

+1 Classic case of attribution bias.

Baloney. The kid clearly has no direction and had the opportunity to go to community college while he figured things out. instead, he chose to go to an expensive private school where he proceeded to get himself kicked out after just one semester. Now his grandfather his left to use his retirement money to pay the bill and this kid is NOT WORKING. In fact, this kid is probably out having a good time if the truth were to be told.

In the meantime, Op's kids are busting their tails to get scholarships, work and study hard. They get nothing because they "have it sooo easy". I get why Op finds that hard to swallow although I do agree that this is FIL's money and he can decide how to spend it. Learn from this, Op. If anything, learn what not to do.

Op - I get what you are saying and I am sorry but you have got to count your blessings that your own kids are doing so well.
[/quote]

1.  You have no idea why the kid chose the school he did but are attributing the selection was made on cost/selectivity/prestige rather than other, compelling reasons.
2.  You have no idea why the kid left after one semester but, without evidence, attribute it to laziness.  
3.  Again without evidence, you opine the kid is out having a good time now that he has wasted his grandfather's retirement money.

You attribute this kid's choices/actions to poor character.  Yet, other posters have offered legitimate and compelling, alternative reasons - mental health issues, physical health issues, challenging family issues noted by OP in a post, etc.   At the same time, you attribute all the choices OP and her kids have made to their good character.

Life is rarely so easily explained.  In my own family of origin, I'm the successful one.  Solid career, solid financial footing, solid marriage, etc.  My brothers are not.  It's not because my character is better, it's because they lost the genetic jackpot.  We had a horrible family of origin yet I was able to overcome it because it happens that I'm more resilient.  They also suffer from ADHD, learning disabilities, depression, etc and I don't.  It's far, far harder for them to make good choices and, when they do make good choices, it's harder for them to capitalize on them.  That's not an excuse but an explanation.  The little they have, they've had to work 100x harder than I ever had to. I understand why our mother directs more resources to them.  I might 'like' more resources but they 'need' them. [/quote]

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