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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean the words about the chess are obviously insane (a five year old??) but could this be just poor communication that he wants chess to be his special thing with your kid? Moms can have the lion’s share of positive interactions with little kids. I notice some dads are completely thrilled as soon as development allows for an activity that’s “theirs.”[/quote]

OP:  I totally get that, but I don't think that's it unfortunately.  DC also plays soccer with DH, and DH coaches his baseball team.  DH exhibits other controlling behaviors such as, he does not want me to purchase any clothes for DC, he wants to be copied on all emails concerning DC even from other moms- for example, DC was invited to a birthday party and DH was angry[b] that the mom sent the invitation to my email only and asked what else I was doing behind his back[/b].[/quote]

My ex husband did a lot of this kind of stuff.  I guess you could say he was obsessed about me.  I'm prior poster who had the husband who checked my gas mileage.

Wanting to be copied on all of the Mom emails is flatout bizarre.[/quote]

OP:  How did you get out of it safely?  I can relate to the obsession.  How did your DH react?[/quote]

I'm the prior poster.  We were married for about 8 years.  The last 6 months I had a major crushed down spirit and it was not overt but felt like I was a prisoner in my home.
I remember taking a long walk and returning home and he was kind of psycho.  I think in his mind I was having an affair with somewhere in the neighborhood.  The controlling
and verbal abuse escalated over time.  He was also one to have road rage.  There were several incidents of road rage where I ended up getting verbally abused as I did not
support him in the road rage incidents.  I hated riding in the car with him.

Anyways, back to your question.  He came home one night and wanted a divorce. I was blindsided.  I talked to my Dad's business lawyer and he told me if a man says he
wants a divorce you take him seriously and get a divorce.  WITHIN 30 DAYS OF MY EXHUSBAND MOVING OUT I KNEW I WAS IN A BETTER PLACE.  Be aware there
were some psycho moments after he moved out.  He started leaving bibles on the front door.  This was weird as he had never opened a bible.  Then he wanted to 
get back together.  I was strong enough at this time to know that I did not want to get back together.

At the end I had no friends and was pretty reclusive as a defensive mechanism.  The wanting to be cc.ed on Mom's emails for 5 year old play dates is very typical
of what I would have experienced.  Big picture that is weird.  What grown man with a full time job wants to be cc.ed on play date emails.  Most
men want less emails in their life.

Overtime my spirit was crushed.  I was very vibrant when I met him and would do international travel on my own.  Towards the end I 
was a prisoner in my home.  Clearly I could walk or drive away but I would always be yelled about something and where I was when I returned. He was monitoring
the mileage on the car to see where I went (which I was not aware of) and he told me that at the end.

I've seen some other posts asking why have you not left already.  My experience was my ex husband did have other good qualities. He wasn't all bad.  The situation was such
that it was a very very slow gradual increase of obsessive behavior towards me.  It did not start out that way.

I also just saw where your husband does not want you to buy any clothing for DC.  This is another big big red flag.  Probably 90-95% of all clothing purchases in the US
are made by women.  It seems like your DH is very controlling when it comes to your DC as well as you.  DH is the only one allowed to purchase the clothing for
DS (controlling) and DH has decided DS is going to be a chess grand master (weird at age 5) and also controlling.

Be very careful if you leave or break up.  I stayed in the same town and in the same house but honestly was scared for my life for like 6 months after he moved out.

[/quote]

Op:  wow I relate to your experience so much.  I’ve made progress thanks to all the advice.  I had a consultation with a lawyer and met with a therapist.  I also confided in my mom.  She promptly shipped me a bunch of books on divorce which was a mistake because DH checks all packages so I had her cancel the order.  When I bring in the mail he always asks me if that was all the mail in the box or if I am hiding anything.  [/quote]

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