Reply to Wife chronically depressed, blames everyone everything for her unhapiness&unfullfillment, I want out

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Reply to "Wife chronically depressed, blames everyone everything for her unhapiness&unfullfillment, I want out"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Depression is a medical illness. What have you done to help her manage her depression in terms of encouraging medication or therapy? You know, that whole in sickness and in health thing? You can’t complain if you haven’t truly helped. People with depression often are unable to take the initiative to get medical help themselves.[/quote]
+1. OP, it's concerning that your wife is seriously ill and you want to cut and run. You realize suicide is a side effect of depression, correct? Help her. Do more. Do better. Yes, it's very hard on you I have no doubt. Get yourself into therapy and do whatever self care you can. But she is ILL. You don't just leave. [/quote]

+1.  OP, it sounds like that you want her to forgive your changes in the marriage (health condition, weight gain) but you don't want to forgive and understand what she is going through.  I think you need to take a step back and read your posts.  You don't seem to hear what your wife is saying because you are in your head space for the most part.  She told you that you are not understanding what she needs but you are discounting that.

This is a medical issue that needs to be fixed.  You have a medical issue and she is not leaving you for it but you are considering leaving her for her issue?  How are you helping your family by leaving?  How would you be helping yourself by leaving:  you will need to pay alimony for a sick spouse, pay child support, and sharing your kids with a spouse who isn't medically at her best.  It's worth it to figure this out for you as well as your family.

I think she needs different/better medical and psychological help, you need to go to counseling that can help you through this (as opposed to finding a counselor who will tell you to bail), and you two need communication help since neither of you feel heard.

You've got this OP.  Make your goal finding a solution instead of inward focus on only you/your thoughts.  [/quote]

His weight gain doesn't hurt their kids. Her illness does, and significantly. Stop making false equivalencies.[/quote]

Him not solving this isn't going to get better for the kids.  They will be with the mom 1/2 the time.  
It's false equivalency: [b] it's about his entitlement that his issues aren't a problem but her issues are. [/b] It's the mindset.[/quote]

I'm sorry.  Can you explain more about how OP's 'entitlement' is a problem?  Just what is OP supposed to 'solve'?   How will him losing weight end her depression?  How will OP losing weight enable his DW to, again, be a partner?[/quote]

His attitude is the problem:  he dismisses his wife's concerns in general (e.g. about his medical problems and she has also said that he doesn't really listen to her).  How do you make anything better if you just ignore what your spouse says to you, especially if they are going through a tough time.  It's about being heard and he is clearly not listening to his wife.

Also, if he's concerned and taking care of kids on the weekends, what happens during weekdays?  Who is watching kids at that time and isn't he concerned during those times that the wife is taking care of the kids?  This is what I mean when I say he's looking at this only through his lens and not looking at the situation to make it better.  He needs to think rationally:  divorcing isn't going to make the situation better for the family because of many reasons.  He's just reacting emotionally and needs to take a step back to evaluate from a broader lens than his own narrow misery view point.

There's a short term solution and a long term.  He's focused on the short term.  [/quote]

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