Reply to Boyfriend Texts Ex-wife Too Often

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, there is no one-size-fits-all answer.  Yes, exchanging friendly pleasantries is normal and generally good for divorced people with children together.  Probably NOT exchanging pleasantries and only communicating about the kids is ALSO normal.  Something feels off to you, and you shouldn’t discount that, but you do also seem to have a very immature view of relationships.  That is why people are recommending therapy.  Not because you’re “crazy” but because you don’t seem to have a very complex understanding of relationships and other people’s feelings and motivations.

Some people fight and “hate” each other intensely precisely BECAUSE they still have a strong bond/connection to each other.  The degree of animosity is related to how much they still care about the other person.  They are so angry/upset at how the person is acting because they still care a lot.  For other people it is not about the bond but about the difficulties of going through the actual divorce and once it’s over things calm down - in a good way.  No one on the internet can tell you if he’s still entangled with her or if he’s settling in to a friendly but distant emotional place with her.  And while you have instincts here, there are a number of red flags about whether your instincts and interpretations are reliable in this situation.  Which is again why people are recommending therapy.  Your posts really do read like the emotional understanding/maturity if an 18-22 year old.[/quote]

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