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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The post about "would you do it all again?" makes me sad. NO I would not do it all again with my spouse. I picked him because of some of his great qualities that I really value in a marriage, but the list of things I feel like I am missing out on in the marriage regularly makes me feel hollow and sad. If I could do it all again I would have held out for closer to the total package. For a long time I tried to convince myself if I had waited longer I might have ended up with nothing (true) but lately I am certain I would take the gamble if I could go back.

Nevertheless here I am. Divorce would seem ridiculous to our family and friends and it would be financially destructive despite the fact that we both make pretty good money. How can I learn to appreciate my husband's good qualities without obsessing about what I feel is missing? Has anyone here succeeded in changing their attitude to become more content in their marriage?

If you need some examples my gripes are that spouse is not sexual enough, kind of boring, and doesn't initiate many things in our life together. He is also not ambitious enough for my taste and in many ways I feel like I am the "man" in the relationship.

His positives are that he is a great listener, very handsome, loving and affectionate. He is also smart and funny.

I know I sound super shallow and awful writing this but I sometimes really crave being with someone who takes initiative so I can relax and feel like a woman.

Please don't be mean and only reply if you have good advice for me. [/quote]

OP, sorry I have not read any of the previous replies. Why don't you focus on all the positives? Your husband sounds like a great man! What you describe is just normal dynamics in man/woman relations. Yes, woman is a driving force in the marriage, she does pull the mental work load. I would focus more on improving communication between two of you. Explain to him what is important to you and why is it important. You said he is a good listener, see if he will be able to work out that. You are lounging for something that you imagined as a positive qualities. But in real life, man with those qualities are not that easy to live with. Super sexual partner is more likely to cheat, more likely to care only about his own sexual needs, then yours. The partner who is very active and initiate a lot of activities, may be a lousy father or a slop at home. Be grateful for what you got. Focus on what attracted you originally to your spouse and remind yourself regularly about it. Fall in love with him again. [/quote]

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