Reply to How to explain to my mom her bitterness towards my dad is becoming painful?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How to explain to my mom her bitterness towards my dad is becoming painful? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I am in a similar situation except my mom refuses to get divorced.  She knows my dad is having a long term affair with someone abroad.  My siblings and I sat with her and confronted my dad about it.  He lied through his teeth,  it was sweating (literally) the whole time.  This woman was stupid enough to post the gifts on FB that he would buy her and we have many relatives abroad that also know what’s going on (very embarrassing).

I feel bad for my mom, and have offered to with her to talk to a lawyer numerous times. She won’t go, she doesn’t want to give up her lifestyle.  She hasn’t worked in nearly 30 years and doesn’t want to give up her big house and luxury car.  Fine, her choice.  But I am so sick of hearing her complain about my dad.  She has been doing it for decades.  And she truly believes that as her daughter I am obligated to listen to her bitch and moan.  I kept repeating the same line any time she would start about my dad: “you need to talk to a therapist about this.” And then I would change the subject.  After about 6 months of this she finally got the point.  She goes to one now. Although it’s debatable how much it is really helping.  She brings my dad up occasionally but I just say, “I am not the person to talk to about this.”  And I repeat it.  That’s all you can really do.  [/quote]

Do you spend time with your dad and the AP like OP?

[/quote]

AP lives abroad.  I have pulled back a lot on spending time with my dad.  But do on occasion.  It’s awkward.  Sometimes it’s with my mom, sometimes it’s just him.  My mom has a lot of issues herself and to be honest I think an undiagnosed mental illness.  They should have divorced long ago.  I feel like I’m in a no win situation.[/quote]

It’s no win because you can’t fix your parents.

Your mom did not cause her mental illness. Hopefully she will get help but since her partner abandoned her with an untreated illness she lost a support system. You can’t fill that role. You did not marry her, your dad did.

You dad chose to hurt people. He could break up with the AP, move close to home, get therapy and rebuild your relationship. But he won’t because he is selfish.

You can’t fix them but you can protect yourself from them.[/quote]

He lives here.  He just travels a lot to his home country where AP is.  I agree he could do all the things you mentioned ... but he is selfish and won’t.  It just sucks.  I have finally realized I can’t be there for everyone and am putting up a lot of boundaries.  I need to protect my own family from their toxicity.[/quote]

You are right.. he could put you first but he won’t.

Protect your family be putting all that good energy towards your H/W and children. You are as good as the people who surround you.

Goid luck![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics