Reply to Please tell me your experience if you found out you were pregnant at 43

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here.

My husband has wanted to get a vasectomy for many years. I was the one holding him back because I wasn’t ready to close the door completely. My desire to continue having children is a very strong one. He gave me the space and time to come to that decision, which I was just about to get to, when this happened. I know. Irony.

I feel like proceeding would be selfish because I’m the only one who truly wanted another child. We have always very much planned and wanted each child. My husband was on the fence for #3, and I waited until he was ready. DH would go with it if I decided to continue, but we are 100% partners and it doesn’t feel fair to him.  I feel the marriage would suffer and ultimately our ability to parent our existing children would suffer, too. Could we do it? Yes. Would it seriously alter our and our kids’ quality of life? Absolutely.

Last night, after long conversation with DH, I tossed and turned and really thought about how a miscarriage would be the best outcome. And then I realized that is a horrible thing to wish for and if I truly wanted that outcome, then it’s best to terminate while it’s the size of a poppy seed and has no heartbeat.

I went to Planned Parenthood today, with my husband, and took the progesterone-blocking pill. In a few days, I’ll take the pills to spur my period. They were the most professional providers I could hope for. They also gave me several chances to change my mind and kept saying it would not be a problem if I just left. They couldn’t find anything on the ultrasound. Not one sign of the cells or sac. It’s just so early, which gives me peace of mind. Perhaps at my age, it wasn’t going to take anyway.

Finally, to be clear, this is something I *never* thought I would do, but I also know it’s the best decision I can make if I take in account my family’s well being. I also feel responsible because I ignored my husband’s plea to use birth control because I just wasn’t ready. I have certainly learned a lot from this experience. I also understand even more acutely that termination is never easy, even when it’s the right decision for multiple reasons. And I am thankful that women still have choices to do what’s best for them and their family. I can’t imagine also navigating red tape while in the middle of this emotional dilemma. (I’m not trying to make it political, just see the nuance of this issue even more keenly.)

Thanks for listening and for the support.

[/quote]

Sending you love, OP. You made the best choice for your circumstances with your husband at your side. You will be ok.[/quote]

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