Reply to My adult step-daughter wants to move in with us

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "My adult step-daughter wants to move in with us"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - she has been staying with her mom. Her mom has been pressuring her to get a job, and I think that's wearing on her. I think she just wants to escape the pressure at her mom's.[b] I do think she should get a job, but my husband wants to give her a little leeway to figure things out [/b](he hopes she will re-enroll in January). [/quote]

This is aHUGE red flag. If you and your DH are not on the same page about the conditions of her living with you, it will destroy your marriage. You’re going to be the odd one out when your DH agrees with SD that she doesn’t need a job and can stay forever. It will only get harder after she obese in. Figure out exact expectations BEFORE she moves in with you. It’s a good idea to write this down and make it something her mom, dad AND you agree to. 
[b]
I also think it’s a bad idea to undermine her mom by letting her move in with you without a job plan. Both parents need to be on the same page[/b]. [/quote]
Was gonna say exactly this.

[b]This is not that different to one parent saying no to the child, so then the child goes to the other parent thinking that parent will say yes. I suppose though since they are divorced, they feel they can parent differently. I wonder if that was one of the reasons they divorced.[/b]

Your DH and the mom need to have a meeting with your DD together.  I think you should be there, but only from the perspective that the decision to allow her into your home impacts you.

FWIW, I don't have a problem with my kids living with me at 22, but not if they aren't making serious attempts to get a job or at least take some classes to get some other skill sets.

My niece is now 29 yrs old, living at home, and STILL doesn't have a regular job. Yes, the niece has been looking, but not that hard.  You do not want that to happen.[/quote]

OP. Your condition for her moving in should be that her dad and mom agree to the same rules in terms of getting a job or going to school.

Note: If you undermine the mom now, she will have zero incentive to help when (not if) the situation blows up in your face. Maybe the dad has always been the more permissive “fun” parent and he wants to keep doing what he knows. Be very careful about undermining the mom in this situation. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics