Reply to Excessively dependent mother still completely helpless months after dad's death

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, your mother sounds a lot like my MIL. My FIL is still alive and incredibly capable despite being in his late 80s. He does every.single.thing for her, even sleeps on the floor at her command because she won't have him in the same bed or in a separate room. But even he is (FINALLY!) starting to get fed up and it's not pretty.

Back to your problem. I've dealt with my own elderly parent's decline and I think you're expecting too much of your mother. As people age and decline cognitively, their essential personality tends to become more intense. My dad happened to be a very upbeat person; as he descended in dementia, he actually was comically happy and optimistic. Unfortunately, your mother is the opposite. It's not changing for the better now. At 88yo your mother is not going to become more capable/competent/confident. Just the opposite. She probably couldn't change now even if she wanted to. So you should plan around her long-standing passivity and misery, rather than hope for some epiphany and new energy.[/quote]

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