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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP back.  Thank you.

I agree with all of these comments.  I am going to take an online anger management course that I found and see if it makes a difference.

To be clear, my kids were not there.  I had dropped them off at school and come back to find all the stuff in the trash.  My husband had no problem with the cops showing up.  I am more upset about it.

I think my husband is part of the problem.  For instance, after this happened, we agreed to come up with a list of ways to make communication better.  I spent the day doing research and printed out a list of ideas, such as taking an anger management course. Then, when we were home and spoke and agreed to talk about it in the living room, I went in and waited for him for 5 minutes, confused, and then I went to look for him again and found him in the kitchen doing some sort of home improvement project.  Again, I lost it, but again, his reaction was that I was making a big deal out of nothing.  He "just" got distracted and forgot, and what does it matter when he goes to the living room.  When he finally arrived, I took out my list and showed it to him, and he was fine with the ideas, but when I asked him for his, he had done nothing all day, but what does it matter, because he agrees with my ideas.  It is like being married to a wall.[/quote]

OP we had this dynamic in our marriage to a much lesser degree. I am nearly 100% certain that you will be able to change your husband's behavior by changing your behavior first. Work on yourself first and then after you have done the hard work, ask him to do joint therapy. I really encourage you to journal to find out what's behind the anger (likely sadness). You should also try meditating. Things will become much clearer for you, and I positive that if you do the work you will be happier. If the journaling is too difficult, limit it to a gratitude journal. Write 5 things EVERY DAY you are grateful for. Google articles to see how life-changing this practice can be.

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