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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Question: If you got married but then your spouse got ill with an incurable disease....is it understandable to leave that spouse in any capacity?

I do not want to judge because I have never had to deal with this myself but something that happened to a family member.

Basically you are in a lifetime sentence of caretaking and never being able to fully live out YOUR own life or the LIFE you imagine with a healthy spouse.

Any thoughts?[/quote]

Cancer survivor here, which means my odds of cancer again are increased.  It has always crossed my mind if men wouldn't marry me because they would be afraid of what the future would hold. I wouldn't be with someone who had any feelings like you are expressing, the "OMG I'd be a caretaker", like that's not the right mindset to have. You and your spouse take care of each in different throughout life, that's a marriage.  You love someone and marry someone in sickness and in health, not just health and then kick them to the curb.  [/quote]

As a cancer survivor I would expect you to have a plan in place so your new partner would not become a caregiver and bankrupt single parent.

You know what your situation is and you need to plan for the future.

I know many people who married somebody with a condition they did not disclose or plan for before the marriage and I would say they entered the marriage under false pretenses. [/quote]

One I can't have kids because to the cancer, so no single parent status in the future.

Two I highly doubt you know MANY people who in this situation didn't disclose.  The world can be a bad place but not that bad.

Has something bad happened to you because I feel this negativity from you, which is unnecessary.

[/quote]

Actually, I am old so yes, I know many. Live in an over 55 community for a while.. you will know many too.

My BIL's girlfriend also "could not get pregnant due to cancer, but she did, and she died when the child was 18 months"

I am not negative I am realistic. I will take care of my future, my H will take care of his and we won't bankrupt each other financially or emotionally. My H marrying me does not make him my nurse. He is my companion... I will hire a nurse. [/quote]

I find you to be a scary, cold-hearted person.  If my spouse were to become in, I'd be in it for the long haul.  If it reached the point where I couldn't handle the care, you can bet I'd be visiting as much as possible and watching those who did care for him like a hawk.  Everyone with illnesses needs an advocate.

To just abandon a spouse when they become ill is selfish and horrible.[/quote]

There are many shades of gray between caretaker and abandonment.

You will see.[/quote]

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