Reply to Ex wants to move out of state-- what are the questions to ask and pitfalls to avoid?

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Reply to "Ex wants to move out of state-- what are the questions to ask and pitfalls to avoid?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I might not completely remember what it was like to be a high schooler, but I don't think I'd want to spend my summers away from my friends in a place where the only person I knew was my dad...[/quote]

Exactly. This sounds like a nightmare for a teen. [/quote]

NP. That scenario is exactly why my godson, now an adult, doesn't see much of his dad. Dad moved many states away but insisted high schooler son visit at times like summer when son, as a teen, was missing out on high school activities, band camp (mandatory to play in band during the school year), etc. And dad treated those visits with a lot of neediness--he really pushed son to be happy about "our special time together" and expected son to focus on him as much as he was focusing on son. It seemed like the dad was so needy, demanding his son's attention and proclaiming how much fun fun fun they were having. The result is, now that son is in his 20s, he only visits dad maybe once a year and has been resisting dad's frequent "suggestions" that son move to dad's area. The son has said in front of me that it would be "too much 'togetherness.'" Dad created this situation for himself by being so clingy and dad was so clingy because he chose to move far from his son and treated visits as some kind of sacred, intense bonding time--not as just being together as parent and child.

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Most "camps" and schools make exceptions for kids where they are in a visitation arrangement with another parent.  They will not for a vacation but visitation is different.  Dad didn't create the issue.  You refusing to allow Dad summers is what caused the distance.  You made up so many excuses as to why child cannot see Dad, child sided with you as he wanted to please you and now you got what you wanted, them having no relationship.[/quote]

Projecting much, PP? I wrote the post above to which you're responding. The kid isn't mine--read more carefully; he's my godson, not my son.

But you leap to the assumption I'm an evil mom "refusing to allow" dad to have long-distance visitation.

If you'd actually read the post you'd also realize the mom DID send son to visit dad. Many times. Dad's needy, center-of-attention behavior is what alienated teen son. Mom did not "refuse to allow" visits nor did she "make excuses as to why child cannot see dad." You totally misread the post and are fabricating a situation based on your belief that moms are evil and keep kids from dads.

That is not what happened in my post. And by the way--those camps and schools that you say will make exceptions for kids missing things due to visitation? Maybe for younger kids or tweens, but all bets are off, once the child is a teen in high school. A serious sports program, or arts program, dance studio, music program, etc., is simply not going to "make exceptions" for a teen who cannot be present if there are mandatory summer practices, classes, rehearsals, etc. when the other teens in that program are there gaining skills over the summer. If a teen is serious about certain activities, an inflexible and insistent parent who keeps the teen away during those periods is a parent who puts himself or herself first. And reaps the results once the teen is grown and can say no thanks to visits. [/quote]

There are plenty of sports and other camps all over the country. Yes, many schools will make exceptions to court ordered visitation.  Its not reasonable for dad to get a few days at Christmas and a few days at spring break and then 2 weeks summer.  At that point, just terminate his rights and stop taking child support as he's no longer the father anyway.   One of my kids is in serious sports. They have camps and clinics all over the country.  We usually pick one and travel to it each summer.

And, OP is not saying there are school or sports obligations.  She doesn't want her child to visit dad.[/quote]

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