Reply to Ex wants to move out of state-- what are the questions to ask and pitfalls to avoid?

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Reply to "Ex wants to move out of state-- what are the questions to ask and pitfalls to avoid?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Chances are that dad is relocating for a woman. A friend went through lengthy mediation over an elaborate cross country visitation schedule. In the end, her ex got all the federal holidays, Thanksgiving, Winter Break, Spring Break, and all but two weeks of summer break. In exchange, she got tie breaking authority in legal custody. The ex moved and the first visit was a month later. About two hours after her son landed, he called her in tears to say “Dad is getting married today! Can I come home?”

Her ex got married that same day and then left the son and three new step-siblings at home with a babysitter while he went on his honeymoon. My friend couldn’t even reach the dad for a week to ask WTF.

As a result, they were back in court the same year. The judge gave dad just half of winter break, half of spring break, and three weeks of summer break. Dad soon dropped the school year visits. [/quote]

I just want to point out that your friend’s story is an outcome of mediation, where the outcome is not determined by a judge but rather by agreement. Men often have greater financial resources and are more agressive negotiators. Women are often motivated to trade something of value (child support amounts or a particular custody schedule) in order to be able to make decisions about child welfare. This is clearly the case in your friend’s situation as you describe - she traded the “vacation time” for the right to make final legal decisions (usually decisions about school, medical treatment and religious education, etc.)

However, if the woman had the resources to refuse to settle in mediation and go to court, the outcome might have allowed her more of the “vacation time”, especially if the move was voluntary, and depending on the child’s age, a court might have heard the child’s preferences. [/quote]

Depends on the situation.  My husband's ex took him to court right after we were married as she filed stating that she was entitled to household income as child support (i.e. my income).  Funny she didn't declare she was living with the same man she cheated with and he was paying their rent and major bills. Instead the judge took the two older kids off child support and removed her alimony which was supposed to have been removed 2 years prior but he didn't fight it was he knew legal fees weren't worth it.  He ended up with one child on child support (two older ones were over 18) and more visitation as she had been denying visitation.  Plus, a huge attorney bill.  Filing can backfire as well.  We never expected that outcome.[/quote]

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