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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My brothers don't split stuff. We don't do $150 pp dinner level things, but basically when something comes from "the kids" my parents know it's me. Or I say it's me and don't pretend it was a joint effort sometimes. I just don't try to pay for stuff I can't afford on my own for them. I don't really understand why this can't happen here. [/quote]

Goodness, I wish homespun women like you would stop covering for useless men like your brothers.

You are an adult. Operate as an adult, not a mommy-figure to other grown-ass adults. You are treating your, what 30 or 40something brothers like they are children. Like when I buy my husband a birthday card or gift "from" my 2-year-old. [/quote]

I'm not going out and buying three presents for my parents and writing "from brother 1" and "from brother 2!" I'm dealing independently with my parents, getting them what I can afford, and not spending a lot of time worrying whether others kick in equal amounts or making sure I am given full credit for every unattributed surprise (my parents know). I don't see how spending my emotional energy trying to make my brothers do and care about the same things is MORE adult than basically doing my own thing.[/quote]

Oh, my God. If your brothers wanted to mark milestones with gifts, they would. They CHOOSE NOT TO. You somehow think in your female wisdom that you know better than them what should and must be done, for whom, and when, and how. So you keep up a pretend fantasy game that apparently your parents are also invested in, rather than just facing the reality that THEY CHOOSE NOT TO DO THE THINGS YOU DO.

Do you also write checks to charities you think they support in their name? Do you sign them up for email newsletters you think they should get? Have you purchased burial plots next to your parents because that's what you think they should do?

Ugh, stop. You are setting women back, again, some more. [/quote]

I am seriously confused, I said i am NOT getting gifts and marking them with my brother's names or doing a pretend fantasy game, what is the issue here? I mean the equivalent would be, for OP's example, setting up a small dinner party for my parents on the budget *I* could afford and not saying my brothers have to pitch in equally or it's not happening. I just would make the message "happy anniversary Mom and Dad," not "happt anniversary FROM ME ONLY," because milestones are not about making sure they know which kids are good and which are slackers, they are about the parents. [/quote]

You are getting a gift--let's say it is a $100 restaurant gift card. That's nice.

But you are SAYING it is from you and your brothers...which...no, it's not. They didn't agree to it, they didn't care, they didn't chip in, they didn't particpate. And you are pretending they did.

You are essentially saying...my way is so right that I am ignoring their ADULT CHOICE not to acknowledge this anniversary with a gift that I am OVERRIDING that choice and saying this gift is from them, when it isn't.

If. Your. Brothers. Wanted. To. Give. Gifts. They. Would.

You are not in charge of them. And yet somehow you feel so in charge of them that you are invoking their name and participation for something they didn't do. It's bizzzare. [/quote]

I'm not putting anyone else's name on anything, i just said that two times. I'm also not making a big deal about what other people DON'T do, though, or insisting that i get credit for every surprise gift or gesture (not everything is a physical gift with a label). My parents aren't idiots, if I sent out invitations and hosted a dinner party it would obviously be my effort, but I wouldn't complain to them about my brothers not helping or say it's off unless they contributed equally either, I'd just keep it at a manageable scale.

I think it is bizarre for adults to make their gifts contingent on what other adults do. [/quote]

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