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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you had said "we always visit my family the last weekend in July but DW made plans" fine. That is on her. 
But to come here and whine that you celebrate your dad's birthday sometime around the 29th but you never really know when because your mom never really tells you and expect your DW to just block off several weekends in the hopes your mom will eventually invite you guys and tell you the date? No way.

So, either have a standing weekend with your parents (whether it works for brother or not) and go visit with or without your brother or know that without better communication and solid plans your DW and kids will likely find something fun to do and that just needs to be OK.

No way would I expect my DH to block off weekends 'just in case' my family wants to invite us to a celebration they only seem to care if my sibling goes to. You have a narc family and victim mentality OP. Regular people INVITE others well in advance and don't demand and expect weekends be kept open to be notified at a moments notice someone expects you to visit them. [/quote]

+1. I'm also interested in an update. Any relationship that could be ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards, and expectations wasn't really stable to begin with and certainly not enough to warrant investing much time, energy, or effort in or risking harming positive relations with someone else (ex: wife's friend in OP's situation).

FWIW, I'll bet the plans the wife made were an accident and/or she doesn't enjoy being around his family. If his family cared, they'd give them more of a heads-up rather than power-tripping with the last-minute invitations and I think all of this might apply to OP's situation as well.  If you miss it this year and they actually want you there, they should respect your time enough to give an earlier invitation. If I was the wife, I wouldn't cancel my plans at all and neither would I let DH take DC.[/quote]

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