Reply to Parents visiting -- Am I right to be upset about this?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. A few things that I wanted to point out:

- This thread has made me realize my jealously is a bigger issue than I thought. I've been in therapy on and off over the years, but it may be a good idea to start again.

- Growing up, I always felt like my Mom was loving and caring. It's only been the case in recent years that I've felt not prioritized. For what it's worth, I've talked to my sisters in the past about this, and they feel similarly, but for different reasons.

- To be honest, I'm proud of the work that my Mom does, and I know it's important, but I do sometimes feel (as other posters have mentioned) that she prioritizes her work over her family. What's gnawing at me in this situation is that I hadn't ever heard her mention this student until yesterday, and she only started with the "oh, I must see her play, it's so important," talk once I brought up that having dinner at 8:30 wouldn't work for us. It just sounds like she's more interested in making sure this student is happy as opposed to her own daughter.

- Another issue is that when DH and I go up to visit my parents, we'll do things on our own (ex. see High School friends of mine), but we always make an effort to work around my parent's schedule and spend time with them, and its frustrating that they can't do the same.

- It may be irrelevant, but this isn't a one time performance, this student has been in residence at this program for several months. [/quote]

OP, Reread your won post in a detached way, and really 5ink about what you’re saying.

Your mother, who appears to still work a full time, emotionally charged job, is travelling 6 hours ONE WAY to see your house. She repeatedly tells you that you are important to her, and I’d say driving 6 hours, even if too late on your personal timeline, is something you should at least appreciate.

Whether you like it or not, your mother has already devoted a great chunk of her life to raising you, by your own account lovingly, and sorry, you are no longer a “priority” in the same way you were when you were 2,6, 4, or 14. You are a grown adult who has made the choice to move 6 hours away. She is an adult with her own home, career, friends, and local family. My child is indelibly part of me, but we have been independent people since a few minutes after birth.

A performance is a little different than meeting up with friends for a drink. It’s not a personal performance; this student has a set time she is performing for many people. So no, your mother, who it sounds can rarely visit the area, cannot just “work around” your schedule in order to ensure you have her attention at 6 pm. She is allowed to have other things other than you, like you do.

You played some kind of passive aggressive card for attention by telling her you couldn't do dinner later, and lost. Sounds like your mother has some healthy boundaries with you by not biting. There is NO good reason you couldn’t go to the performance, or to not have a late lunch and meet for a late dinner. You’re acting like a sulky child.

Love is not a competition, your mother is not here on earth solely to make you happy, and she is not a possession. She is coming to see your house because it will apparently be the only thing that makes you happy. She is going to the performance because it will make HER (as in your mother) happy. Why don’t you want her to be happy?

[/quote]

What complete bullshit. She’s visiting. Seeing her daughter, especially since her daughter has expressed that she’d like to be more of a priority is hardly giving up her whole life again. This is her daughter. I work in education, live all of my students... but my own children will always be my highest priority regardless of their age. As will my future grandchildren.[/quote]

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